And Then I Saw You Again
by OliviabensonSVU4
Summary: Alex is back to New York for good, but will it be everything Olivia had hoped it would? A/O, please R/R
1. Chapter 1: First Glance

_Chapter 1: First glance_

_Friday, 1 PM_

Olivia sat at her desk impatiently drumming her fingers against the metal desk. Elliot was staring at her wondering why today of all days he was impatient. Then he noticed the calendar on herd desk, today's date circled. It made sense now, today was the day Alex was home. The Witness Protection Program had finally deemed New York City was safe again.

The Feds had said it would be between 1 and 3 PM that Alex would be escorted into the 1-6 Precinct and straight into the waiting hands of SVU detectives.

_1:22 PM_

"They sure take their sweet old time, don't they?" Olivia gripped to Elliot.

"Calm down, the time frame just began."

"Ugh, I've been waiting to see her back here for how long? I'm anxious."

Olivia tried to reread a file for a recent case, go online and check her email, anything to distract herself.

_1:45 PM_

"I need to go do something before I lose my mind. This is what she does to me, whether she's in the room or not. I'm going to the coffee shop. Want anything?" She asked Elliot, Munch, Fin and Cragen.

She jotted down their orders and headed down the street to the corner coffee shop, a favorite of theirs. For the first time she was glad to see a line, it meant more time spent away from the station idling waiting.

_2:18 PM_

4 cups of coffee in a carrier and hers balanced on top she walked into the squad room. It was darkened and empty except for someone sitting at her desk. Her first reaction was to set the coffee down and pull her gun out.

She slowly went up to Munch's and Fin's desk, as they were closer to the door and set the coffee's down. Her gun was in her hand in the next second as she approached her own desk. Who ever that was sitting their stood up.

"It's me," a familiar voice said.

Olivia almost dropped her gun in relief. She holstered it and opened her arms to envelop the blonde in a hug. "How long have you been here?"

"Not long, 5 or 10 minutes. The boys wanted to surprise you."

There was a unanimous groan and the lights turned on. 3 heads poked out of the hallway, followed by Cragen walking in. "I was in the bathroom, what did I miss? Hey Alex, good to see you."

"If I knew you were going to be here, I would have gotten you coffee too Alex," Olivia said sheepishly. "No one tells me anything anymore."

"But the look on your face was priceless when you walked in," Munch said grinning, wielding a video camera. "YouTube here we come!"

She ignored their banter and focused on Alex. "I'm so glad to see you Lex, there's so much I need to say to you."

"Tell me tonight, after I take all of you out for drinks, on me."

That went over well of course, who could resist free drinks? Cragen didn't come, he was a recovering alcoholic and never touched the stuff anymore.

"Well, I just moved myself into a new apartment, uptown, so I'm going to go home and change and meet you all back here at 6?"

With a smile she turned and exited the room. Olivia just stared at the spot where she stood only moments before, amazed she was really back.

"Just tell her Liv," Elliot encouraged her.

"I hope it comes out this time," she replied, now nervous to see that incredible woman again that night.

As soon as she left the phone lines seemed to ring off the hook. A serial rapist they had been hunting for had stuck again. This time in Central Park. The investigation was already in full swing before their arrival.

"What do we have?" Olivia asked.

"14 year old girl reported missing at 11 PM last night, 2 hours past her curfew. At 1:19 AM, a phone call came in to Central, a woman who reported to hear screaming in the park from her apartment window. A car was sent out to search, at first we couldn't find anything, but as the wind kicked up, a bloody glove blew our way. We followed the trail and found the body. She was beaten pretty bad, possible sexual trauma. Torn pants, shirt ripped apart. Called for a bus immediately and she's over there in the ambulance heading for Mercy."

"Thanks," they both said and headed to the ambulance.

"Hi, I'm Olivia. What's your name?"

"Melinda Johnson. I was out past curfew when a guy in black followed me cos I cut through here on my way home and attacked me."

"You're on the way to a hospital, you're going to be okay."

"I'll ride with her," Olivia said, getting in the back.

At Mercy they performed a rape kit, positive for fluids. Her head was stitched up and was put on an IV with morphine for pain, and a few other medications Olivia didn't know the name of.

"I'm going to call your parents, what are their names? Do you know their phone number from memory?"

The girl nodded. "Randy and Betty. 817-9103."

"I'll be right back," she said, pulling her cell phone, dialing those numbers. "Hi, is this Betty Johnson?"

"Yes," a crisp voice answered.

"This is Detective Olivia Benson of NYPD, we found your daughter, she's at Mercy for blunt force trauma and sexual abuse."

"Oh my god. Is she okay?"

"She's holding up ma'am. Could you get here as soon as possible?"

"Of course, I'll be there in 10 minutes."

Olivia hung up and went back to sitting with Melinda. Sure enough, her mom burst in not long after, hugging her daughter, visibly thankful they found her and she was alive.

She left Melinda in her mom's care and headed back to the station. It was only 3:30 at that time, still hours away. Maybe she'd have time for a quick shower at the Precinct and could change into her spare clothes that hung in her locker, unworn. Try to look her best this time.

Munch and Fin were out on a call, Elliot had to go to a parent-teacher confrence for the twins and Cragen was sitting in his office with the door closer per usual. She waved at him before heading upstairs to get ready. The phone lines were pretty quiet for a Friday, so it was unlikely anything major was about to happen. Then again, it was New York City, so anything is possible.

Olivia hopped in the shower, washing the crime scene off her skin and hair. She kept a couple spare sets of clothes in her locker for anything that could possibly happen.

She pulled on nice black slacks, a white bra, white tank top and v-neck shirt with a jacket over. Olivia did her make up and made sure she look presentable.

4 PM rolled around, a pile of files called her name. She sighed and sat down. Elliot came back in shortly after. Munch and Fin a little after that. There was the usual joking nature, trying to procrastinate working, all excited for the night's adventures.

_5:30 PM_

Alex faced herself in the floor length mirror of her closet, turning and flattening her black pinstriped skirt, long sleeve cream shirt and matching pinstriped blazer against her slender body. Satisfied that her hair was the way she wanted, make up wasn't overboard she headed back downtown.

_5:53 PM_

'If only time would speed up,' Olivia mused. 'So close to 6 but not quite there. And Alex isn't even here yet.'

As if on cue her phone rang. "Benson," was her standard greeting.

She paused. "Yeah, that's fine, see you there."

"Who was that?" Elliot asked.

"Alex, she's running late, we're meeting her at O'Malley's in 15."

"Oh, okay."

_6 PM_

The 4 detectives were out that door lightning fast. O'Malley's was in walking distance, a walk they knew well from many nights there.

As soon as they walked in the door, Olivia spotted Alex across the room. Her back was turned. She approached and noticed the woman that held Alex's undivided attention. Liv cleared her throat.

"Olivia! Guys! Glad you could make it."

"Of course, it's on you Counselor," Fin quipped.

She laughed, "Right, taking these heavy drinkers out is an expense but since I've missed you all so much, it's okay."

"So, Alex, who's this lovely lady?" Elliot asked casually, nursing his first beer.

"Oh, sorry! This is Cassandra. She lives in my apartment building. I actually got into the place a few days ago but didn't officially move in until today. She's my neighbor, we really hit it off.

Alex didn't see the look on Olivia's face as she turned.


	2. Chapter 2: Wait What?

_Chapter 2: Wait, What?_

Olivia's face said a million things. She was confused, hurt, betrayed, and angry just to name a few. Elliot knew his partner well. 'If she had told me there was someone else, I wouldn't have tried to look nice,' Olivia grumbled inwardly.

Munch saw Olivia's reaction and nudged Alex, who turned to see Olivia retreat into the bathroom. "Be right back Cassie," she said to the redhead at her side. Cassie nodded, starting to understand the situation. Alex followed Olivia into the bathroom and waited till she came out of a stall.

Olivia jumped to see Alex standing there, leaning against the sink. "What do you want Counselor?" Olivia asked, in all formality this time.

"To check on you. Why did you just walk away?"

Olivia sighed, "Because Alex, I thought… It's foolish."

"Tell me," she said softly.

"I thought that I'd come here, get a round of drinks with the boys, then go back to your place and reconnect. But you have _her_."

"Olivia Benson. Are you jealous of Cassandra?"

"Damn right, she's gorgeous. I saw the way you looked at her. It damn near broke my heart all over again."

"What are you talking about?" Alex asked confused.

"I love you Alexandra Cabot. I have loved you since the first day you came into the squad room, your heels gave your entrance away, and your briefcase wielded like a weapon. I know you felt it too by the way you acted around me. I just never told you, out of fear, and then you went into Witness Protection and I still could have but I didn't want to be sitting here everyday wondering if you were alive."

"So you didn't wonder anyway?" Alex teased.

"Of course I did, but if you knew it'd just make the wait more unbearable. I hope you understand."

Olivia walked over to the sink next to the one Alex was leaning on and washed her hands. When she turned around, Alex smoothly stepped in front of her. "So do you want to know I have always felt about you?"

"Yeah, I mean you have me pinned down already, and of course, I'm curious."

"I loved you the first time we met, also. You were always so confident and strong. You always seemed to be in control of the situation, no matter how bad it got. The first words you ever spoke to me made my heart melt, 'Hey, I'm Olivia but you can call me Liv, welcome to SVU.' Your smile was intoxicating but I didn't think you'd ever feel the same and you had some boyfriend at the moment."

"Yeah, a short lived one, I left him. And tried to give you the signs but the message never got across I guess."

Alex shrugged and closed the space between their bodies. "I'm sorry that you were hurt that I brought someone here tonight, if I had known I never would have. I never wanted to hurt you."

"It's okay," Liv murmured, tilting her face up to look Alex square in the eyes. So many years overdue, their lips touched. One kiss led to another and their tongues began to dance. All in an Irish pub's bathroom.

Meanwhile, the boys tried their best to amuse Cassandra, who soon became restless waiting. "I'm going to go make sure everything's okay," she said, heading for the bathroom.

The sound of the door opening broke them apart with a start. To both their surprise it was Cassandra. "I guess this means our after drink plans are cancelled?" she asked tentatively.

"Cassie, I'm sorry. Something has come up. I hope we can keep on good terms."

"Of course, well I'll see you around, Alex," she said before spinning on her heel and exiting. The boys saw her leave the bar and figured that Olivia finally told Alex.

"About time," was the general consensus.

When the two women walked out of the bathroom, 10 more minutes later, it was written all over their faces. They sat back at the table, grinning from ear to ear.

"I'd like to propose a toast," Munch declared. The rest of them groaned, another infamous toast by John Munch. "To all of us for being here tonight again. Alex is back and she and Olivia _finally_ let the cat out of the bag. We've been waiting for this day for such a long time."

"Of course you all knew," Olivia grumbled good naturedly.

They clicked classes. "My turn for a toast," Olivia added. "Alex, knowing you feel the same way for me as I feel for you as brightened everything. I'm excited to see where this relationship goes."

They all clinked glasses again. "Okay, one more," Alex said grinning. "It's so good to be home with friends and Olivia, it doesn't feel like anything's really changed. Thank you for making this night memorable."

_9 PM_

4 rounds of beer and many, many, shots later they ordered nachos. A little late but still a good idea. The chatter never ceased, exchanging stories, not worrying about being embarrassed.

_11 PM_

They had devoured 2 large plates of fully topped nachos. "Maybe it's time to call it a"--hiccup-- "night" Olivia suggested.

"No one.. Driving…" Alex blurted out. "Livy, darling, you come home with me."

"Kay," she replied.

Elliot, Munch and Fin all decided to sleep at the station for different reasons.

Elliot: to avoid hearing Kathy's rage when he came home at midnight, drunk.

Munch: He didn't want to pay a taxi fare to the middle of Brooklyn this late.

Fin: Just didn't want to go any farther then the squad room.

After the, $125 tab was settled, they all tried to make their way through the crowd to fresh air. Alex hailed a cab, and she and Olivia climbed in, waving to the 3 guys as they sped off.

At Alex's apartment building, Olivia gaped at the plush building, with a lobby _and _a doorman. They clamored into the elevator and Alex hit 23. They managed to make it to the bedroom before the clothes came off.

Olivia didn't feel it as badly as Alex and she made sure they both drank water in large quantities till they were running to the bathroom every 5 minutes.

They sat up and watched TV, and ordered pizza, good sobering food. It was the first time they had been alone together in such a long time, even before Alex's life was turned upside down.

_2: 35 AM_

"Oh, man, our heads are not going to be happy when we wake up," Olivia realized, looking at the time. "Ready to try to sleep?"

Alex stood up to stretch. "Definitely."

"Well then, I'll, uh, be here on the couch. See you in the morning, I had fun tonight."

"I did too, goodnight."

Alex walked to her bedroom in decent form. Through the crack in the door she saw Alex undress, taking off her shirt, then her skirt, leaving just a bra and panties, before climbing into her queen sized bed.

Olivia groaned in frustration, that she's at Alex's but she's not in there. Apparently Alex was thinking along the same lines. Olivia heard the blonde call out, "Livy? Can you come in here for a sec?"

Olivia obliged and stood up and crossed the spacious living room to the bedroom door. She leaned on the doorframe. "Yeah?"

"Liv, I meant come _here_" and Olivia understood. She swallowed hard and sat on the edge of the grand bed.

"What is it Lex?" she asked, now curious.

"You're here but maybe I'm tired of sleeping alone."

Alex sat up and propped herself on the pillow and patted the open space next to her. Olivia rolled her self over to lay next to this woman. They loved each other, but after a severely alcohol induced night she didn't want to rush into it.

"Lex, do you fully realize what we're about to get into?"

"Of course I do Liv, It's nearly 3, the last alcohol we consumed was at least 5 hours ago and we've been eating like pigs. I want you to be here in my bed," Alex said sincerely.

"Okay, well in that case," Olivia said, leaning in for a kiss.

Alex giggled and started to open the buttons on Olivia's blouse revealing her white tank top. Off came her slacks next, revealing boy-cut short style underwear.

"It's taken us this long to be here, together, but at least we finally are. And I promise you, Alexandra Cabot, that I am here to protect you. I won't let anyone or anything hurt you. I love you so much."

"I love you too Olivia Benson."

Alex switched off the bedside lamp and they plunged into darkness, with only giggles and laughter to be heard.

* * *

A little short but this is a good ending point for this chapter, I hope you like it so far, and I love reviews J


	3. Chapter 3: So, what REALLY happened?

_Chapter 3: Ok, So What REALLY happened?_

_Saturday, 8 AM_

Olivia woke up with her legs intertwined with Alex's. Was this a dream? No, the bar started to come back to her. They had came back to her house, and sobered up before doing anything.

Gently, she nudged the sleeping woman next to her, "Rise and shine, gorgeous."

"Mm 5 more minutes," Alex mumbled.

"I'll make you breakfast, will that get you up?"

Alex opened her eyes, "scrambled eggs and bacon?"

"Come be my little assistant."

Alex rolled over again, not thrilled at the idea.

"Or you get no breakfast," Olivia threatened, walking bare naked to the doorway. "I'm cooking naked, so if you want to miss that, then be my guest."

Alex flung the covers back in all her own naked glory and trailed behind Olivia to the kitchen. "You have a nice ass, Detective" she mused with a large grin.

Olivia grinned as she opened the refrigerator to pull out a carton of eggs, a package of bacon, sausage and carton of orange juice. She was surprised to see how well stocked the fridge was considering she'd never seen Alex eat anything besides fast food and take out.

"You cook?" Olivia asked, surprised.

"Sometimes, when you detectives aren't keeping me up to my neck in cases," Alex replied, kissing Olivia's neck.

Olivia smiled back at the beautiful blonde in front of her. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and pulled her close for a kiss.

"Who would've thought that we'd end up like this?" Alex asked.

"I always hoped we would but I never actually thought it would. You always seemed too straight," Olivia replied.

"You never saw the signs? Whenever I came into the squad room, I always came over to you first, sat on your desk and tried to be around you as much as possible."

"Yeah, but I thought you were just being friendly," she countered.

Alex snorted. "Wow, then you were more clueless then I realized Detective."

"I take offense to that Counselor, because as far as I remember, you never noticed that I had feelings for you too."

"Yeah, well…" She began, then stopped, not knowing what else to say. She just smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

Olivia let her hands run down the blonde's back and over her voluptuous ass, groaning with frustration as Alex started to tease her in return. "Breakfast?" She said meekly, reaching to grab and egg and hold it up.

Alex shook her head and kissed Olivia's collarbone. "How bout a redo of last night?"

Olivia's stomach grumbled. "But baby, I'm hungry!"

Alex laughed, "Okay, okay, fine."

Olivia set the egg back down on the counter and kissed Alex again. Olivia bent reached up to grab a frying pan hanging above the stove. She turned the stove on and when it sizzled, threw the bacon on.

Alex walked back in the kitchen from the living room to the smell, "Mm, I love the smell of bacon in the morning."

Olivia laughed and pulled the bacon out of the pan and onto a paper towel lined plate. "Is that a reference to the food or a mean cop joke?" she quipped in return.

"Both, I mean I have a sexy detective in my kitchen cooking bacon, what's better then that?"

Olivia turned and handed Alex the spatula. "The lawyer in the relationship to cook for _me_ for a change."

Alex laughed, shook her head, and started cracking eggs into a bowl, adding milk, salt and pepper before pouring the mixture into the same pan. "My secret recipe, eggs in bacon grease."

"A heart attack waiting to happen," Olivia replied, leaning against the counter.

Alex stirred the eggs before turning to Olivia. "You're so beautiful," she said, reaching to touch Olivia's hand. "I've waited so long for this day to happen, and I couldn't be happier now that you're here."

"I feel the same way, babe," was the reply, as she leaned in for another kiss.

Alex pulled her close and kept her arm around Olivia's waist as she finished the eggs. As soon as everything was done, Olivia poured the orange juice and they sat at the kitchen table to enjoy their first meal officially together.

A knock at the door interrupted the meal. Both realizing they were still sans clothes, looked at each other, and laughing, raced across the apartment to gather clothes. Once at least pants and a t-shirt each had been located, Alex walked to the front door.

They both expected one of the guys, coming to interrupt their tête-à-tête, but the actual visitor took them both by surprise. A tall, elegantly dress blonde woman stood there instead.

"Mom!" Alex exclaimed, obviously caught off guard. Her mom ALWAYS called first.

"Alexandra, what a nice surprise," she replied, catching sight of Olivia a few feet behind, straightening her shirt. "And who is your guest?"

"Oh, sorry mom, this is Detective Olivia Benson."

Olivia walked up, under the scrutiny of this woman.

"Lillian Cabot," she introduced, hand extended.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," Olivia replied.

"Likewise, of course. So what is your relationship?" Lillian bluntly asked.

"Mother!" Alex exclaimed.

"What, Alexandra? I've heard about all these new-age lesbians," she said with a gesture of her hand.

Olivia flushed slightly as did Alex. Alex knew her options, 1) tell her mom the truth and hear the wrath, or 2) lie, and possibly hurt Olivia's feelings. "Olivia, can I talk to you in the other room for a second?"

"Um, sure," Olivia replied.

"Be right back," Alex said to her mom, "Have a seat, this will just take a moment."

They exited to the bedroom. Lillian surveyed the dishes on the table, and shook her head. She sat on the couch and waited.

In the bedroom, as soon as the door closed, Olivia immediately turned to Alex, furious. "I can tell, your mom has no idea about you being out of the closet," she said.

"Livy," Alex started, trying to calm her down, "I haven't been able to tell her. "She thinks that I'm still dating some guy I broke it off with months ago. She expects me to be a top notch lawyer, with a top notch boyfriend, preferably husband."

"What are you going to do, Alex?" Olivia fumed. "I have told who I had to tell, why cant you?"

"My mother and father are of a different kind," Alex explained, realizing that came out wrong. "I mean, my father is a respected Judge in upstate New York, and my mother is known in every major society, and she expects me to follow her footsteps."

Olivia just glared in return, upset mostly at the fact that their romantic morning had been interrupted and they had to start fighting.

"Do YOU want me to tell her Olivia?" Alex retorted.

"Yes, Alex, I would love for you to finally accept this, to everyone, not just around me and the squad. I don't want you to be ashamed of us."

From the living room, Lillian overheard parts of this conversation. Just not enough for it to make sense.

"I'm not ashamed, Olivia! I just don't want to hear my mother's wrath and face the consequences. I know what she's capable of!"

"Well then Alex, please by all means, continue to lie to her. But I'm going to warn you, as much as I love you, this is going to constantly nag at me. I wish you knew what I felt."

Alex pulled Olivia into her arms and looked her in the eyes. "Baby, I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry that this had to happen but I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place."

Olivia softened. "I know, I want you to be okay with your mom, but it means a lot for family to know and hopefully, one day, accept us."

Alex leaned in for a gentle kiss. "We'll get through this, I promise."

Olivia nodded, "Yeah, I know, let's go back out there before she gets suspicious."

Olivia squeezed Alex's hand as she reached for the door.

This was going to test both of them in ways they never imagined. Their bond was going to be tried and pushed, will they make it?


	4. Chapter 4: This Can’t Be Headline News

_Chapter 4: This Can't Be Headline News_

The bedroom door swung open, to reveal Lillian seated gracefully on the cream colored couch.

"Sorry about that mom," Alex said, walking over and sitting on the couch opposite her mom.

"It's okay, dear. So tell me, what have you been up to?"

Olivia sat in the armchair between them, looking as casual as she possibly could.

"Just working per usual. It's been especially busy lately, keeping me at the office late," Alex reported.

"Good, good," Lillian replied. "But what about your boyfriend? Doesn't he miss you when you're at the office so late?"

Alex cleared her throat, it was now or never. "Mom, there's something I need to tell you."

Olivia wanted to sit next to Alex and reassure but she had to let Alex say it.

"I haven't had a boyfriend in 3 months. I just never told you, because I didn't want you to be angry with me that I didn't. I broke it off because I didn't feel the same towards him anymore."

"Is that the big revelation?" Lillian responded.

"No. I actually, uh, have been seeing someone, but, it's not a man."

Lillian almost dropped the cup of coffee she had made all over the carpet. "EXCUSE me?"

"I'm seeing a woman and she makes me happy."

Lillian Cabot was still in shock, 10 minutes after hearing the news. "So you're telling me, my daughter is some sort of a lesbian?"

"I'm happy, that's what should matter. Whether it's a man or woman."

"I've always had this high expectation of you, Alexandra Marie. Never in all 35 years of your life would I expect you to pull this. Just tell me you're kidding, and let's move on."

"It's not a joke," Alex deadpanned. "Just…Deal with it!"

Lillian gaped at her daughter's response. She had never snapped back since she was a teenager. She stood up, slamming the mug on the coffee table. "You are a disappointment!"

Olivia's jaw dropped, she stood up to face Lillian. "Your daughter is an amazing lawyer, an amazing friend and is very loving and caring. How dare you say that!"

Lillian eyed the brunette down. "So you must be her _lover_. How _quaint_. Shacking up with someone you work with, Alexandra."

"Mother, I think it's time you left."

"Finally, something I can agree on," Lillian said, walking to the door. "Be ready, Alexandra, this is not going to be the best decision you've made."

"Get off your high horse, I'm 35, not 15. You can't run my life anymore."

The only reply was a door slam. Alex's tough exterior began to fade and she was shaking. Olivia quickly pulled her into her arms and rubbed her back.

"You were so good, baby," she whispered.

"I was?"

"Yeah, you stood up to the Wicked Witch of the West!"

Alex raised her eyebrow.

"Sorry, I just don't like her, bad first impression."

"Obviously. I just don't know what she's going to do to try to ruin my life this time. Last time I showed any smudge of independence, I was 15. She banned me from the real world, and scared me into doing what she told me to. In college, I rebelled, never told her. It was nothing too major, but I've always had this standard I've been held to."

"I know babe, but look, you stood up to her. Consequences or not, I'm here for you no matter what happens. I love you."

"I love you too," Alex replied with a smile.

"Are you still hungry?" Olivia asked.

"Less then I was when my mother first walked in. She killed my appetite."

"Not me!" She said, walking over to the kitchen table to retrieve her plate and finishing it with gusto.

Alex sat opposite her again, and sipped her juice. "What do we do now?"

"Do you mean, right now in this moment, or do you mean 'now' in general?"

"In general. I mean, my mother might blab this all over the law circuit by morning. Are you ready to defend our relationship?"

"I'm not too worried Lex," she said between bites, "the goon squad already knows, they'll back it up any day. I really am convinced that Elliot knew even before we did. Munch and Fin are happy that we're happy, no questions asked."

"They are good friends. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a scandal on the front pages of the paper, "ADA Alexandra Cabot and Detective Olivia Benson: Lesbians"

Olivia laughed. "Well, then we can counter by threatening them for slander and demand a public apology."

"But for now, till the shit hit's the fan later, let's just enjoy our day together. it's a gorgeous Saturday morning. After breakfast, let's go do something."

"Like what?"

"Walk in central park, go to the zoo, maybe see if Elliot and the kids want to join."

"Sounds like a plan."

After breakfast was officially finished, the dishes were done, and they were both dressed for the day, Olivia called Elliot.

"Hey El," Olivia said into her phone.

"Hey Liv, what's up?"

"Alex and I were just wondering if you and the kids wanted to join us today in Manhattan and have some fun."

"Let me ask," he replied. "Dickie, Lizzie, would you want to go into Manhattan today and see Olivia and Alex?"

"Yeah!" They replied in unison.

Olivia laughed, "I heard that enthusiasm. Meet us at the usual spot in Central Park in an hour?"

"Sure," Elliot said, "See you there."

They hung up. With time to kill, Alex and Olivia flopped onto the couch and turned on the TV. Olivia channel surfed till she saw Friends was on. That killed a half hour. Between making out, they only caught half the 2nd episode, then realizing they had to leave.

Sitting at their usual bench in Central Park, they saw Elliot and the twins approach. "Wow, they've gotten so grown up," Alex remarked to Olivia.

"I know, I still remember them as kids."

"Hey Alex, hey Olivia," Elliot said as he got closer, bending down to hug them.

"Hey El," Olivia said, before turning to Dickie and Elizabeth. "Look how tall you two have gotten since I've last seen you. How old are you two now?"

"17," Lizzie replied. "Almost time to get out of here and go to college."

"Not so fast," Elliot cut in, "Senior year has barely started. Don't think you're getting out of here that fast."

Alex laughed too, and added, "Trust me, being on your own is nice but then you'll wish you were still at home, with your parents support."

"Definitely agreed," Olivia added. "So what do you all want to do today?"

"Zoo," Dickie said at the same time Lizzie said, "Aquarium."

"How about we go to both. Make a day out of it," Olivia suggested.

After seeing the zoo, and aquarium they went to a favorite pizzeria, ordering a large pepperoni pizza and a pitcher of soda.

"How long has it been since we've all done this?" Elliot asked.

"Too long, El, too long," Olivia replied.

"So, Alex, what's new with you?" Elliot asked casually.

Not being able to tell him the full details of the morning with the twins there, she simply said, "Had a run in with my mother this morning. Olivia had to be there to witness it unfortunately."

"That bad?"

"That bad," Alex and Olivia agreed. Olivia gave him that _her mother knows_ look.

He nodded, "Well, don't let it get to you, we're having a good day, huh kids?"

They both nodded, pizza in their mouths. Conversation flowed lightly and naturally between the 5 of them.

Before they all knew it, it had begun to get dark. Exchanging goodbye's and hugs they went their separate ways.

"That was fun," Alex said lightly, brushing her hand against Olivia's as they walked back to her apartment.

"Yeah, it was. It was good to see the twins growing up," Olivia replied, capturing the blonde's hand in her own. She read Alex's expression before adding, "I want the world to see that I love you. I'm not afraid."

Alex pouted as they reached her doorstep when Olivia had to leave. "Don't worry babe, I'll be back. I'm just getting more clothes, and my work clothes for Monday."

"Okay," Alex said trying not to whine. "See you soon."

Within an hour Olivia had made it across town to her own apartment, prepared a bag with what she'd need and drove as fast as possible back to Alex's. Alex had set candles out and ordered dinner, ready hot in the plate as Olivia knocked on the door.

"You cooked for me, Counselor?" Olivia asked in wonder.

"Uh, sure, if you want to believe that," Alex replied blushing.

"Luigi's?"

"Of course. A favorite of both of ours."

By 10 PM, they were laying in bed. "Are you ready for tomorrow?" Alex asked.

"I'm a cop, nothing really will shock me. The squad already knows, it's just the DA's office that doesn't. We'll get through this, I promise." Olivia kissed Alex.

"Goodnight," Alex said, turning off the light.

"Goodnight," Olivia replied, curling into Alex. In this moment she was truly happy.

The weekend flew by, and before either one of them knew it, it was Monday morning.


	5. Chapter 5: But, Of Course, It is

_Chapter 5: But, Of Course, It Is_

The alarm sounded at 7, pulling both the women out of a peaceful sleep. Alex's legs were akimbo, wrapped around Olivia's and vice versa.

"Good morning Alex," Olivia said, propping herself up on her elbow and smiling at the woman next to her.

"Good morning, Livy," Alex replied, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

They both wished they could make that moment last forever, but unfortunately the duties of work called.

After getting dressed, making a quick breakfast, they were out the door. Sharing a cab, Olivia got out at the station, hugging Alex, "See you later," she called, shutting the door.

"Always," Alex yelled back through the open window, speeding off towards the office.

Olivia was early, getting in the door and to her desk before even Elliot, at 7:45. She waved to Cragen before brewing a pot of coffee and setting Elliot's mug on his desk for him when he rolled in any minute.

At 7:56, Elliot, Munch, and Fin came in the door. All 3 stopped at the sight of Olivia, actually smiling and humming at that early hour. "Hey Liv," Munch said casually. "How was your weekend?"

"Amazing," Olivia replied, grinning ear to ear.

"Does a tall, blonde, attractive lawyer have anything to do with it?"

"Of course. I haven't shared a bed with someone who I felt this strongly about in so long, I wish it never had to end."

"As long as you're happy," Munch said with a grin.

Monday proceeded uneventful. Olivia's face immediately brightened when Alex entered the room at the end of the day. The two of them left back to Alex's, waving to the guys on the way out the door. However, what was to come next took them both by surprise.

The next morning, Olivia walked into the squad room with the same cheerful demeanor. There was only one difference.

"Um, Liv, sit down," Fin said.

She sat in her chair, picking up her mug. "What?"

He pulled out the tabloid paper out from under his arm and showed her the front page. In big letters read: **Detective Olivia Benson and Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot, co-workers or more? Story on page 2.**

There was a full page picture of the two of them, arms around each other. Fin handed her the paper, she flipped to page 2. The horror continued.

_An anonymous source reported Saturday afternoon, that these two co-workers have been having an illicit relationship. The members of the SVU squad have knowledge of this affair and have kept it quiet. The DA's office was notified yesterday afternoon. This relationship could affect the standard of both their jobs. _

"_I'm appalled," the source said. _

_When the DA's office was contacted for an interview but they declined at this time. The only information gathered was a general consensus of shock at this realization. What's next? Keep following this story, as the scandal continues._

Olivia threw the tabloid down in frustration. "What the FUCK is going on?!"

Elliot put his hand on her shoulder. "I don't know, Liv, but we'll get to the bottom of this. Call Alex."

She pulled out her cell phone and hit "2" for Alex's cell.

_Ring, ring, ring_.

"Hey," Alex said into the line, still obviously unaware of the developments.

"Hey, um, are you sitting down?" Olivia asked before reading the story to Alex.

"What?!" Alex shouted. "There's no way this can be happening."

"That's what I said," Olivia said glumly.

"BENSON! GET IN HERE!" Cragen yelled.

"Lex, I gotta go, Cragen's yelling for me."

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

Olivia stepped into the Captain's office, shutting the door. "You wanted to see me?"

He held up the same tabloid she had just finished reading. "Is this true?"

Apparently, Cragen had no idea, no one had told him anything. Before she could say anything he continued. "1 PP is breathing down my neck at this. You and Alex are both going to hear it."

"Captain, with all due respect, how is their business when Alex and I keep it out of the workplace?"

He sighed. "I know, it's not fair, but you have to realize that this is rocking the boat."

"What am I supposed to do?" She asked, running her fingers through her hair.

"I'll try to hold 1 PP off in a formal inquisition, see what you can do to get a retraction."

She nodded and stood up.

Meanwhile, at the same time, Alex was called into Jack McCoy's office.

"Please, please, tell me this is just some rumor."

"No," she admitted. "It wasn't supposed to hit the presses. Someone leaked."

"Alex, you're a great lawyer, but I just don't like reading about you in the tabloids."

"As much as I despise being IN the tabloids," she replied with a sigh.

At the same time, a few hours out of the city, Lillian Cabot, smugly smiled at the tabloid article that was emailed to her. "Perfect," she said to herself. "Just the flame that Alexandra needs to get her act together."

Next to her, her husband, John, shook his head. He didn't agree with his wife's actions but it was too late to take it back now, or stop her. She had this crazy idea in her head and he knew, after 40 years of marriage, that she was stubborn and set in her ways.

An hour later, Alex stormed into the squad room. "This is ridiculous."

"No shit," Olivia replied.

"Do you think it's my mother?" Alex asked.

"It's possible," Olivia replied. "She is the only one who has a problem with this."

Alex sighed and sat on the edge of Olivia's desk. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

"It's not your fault, it's mine. I encouraged you to tell your mom and this happened."

"Don't blame yourself."

"I can't help it," Olivia sighed.

"We're going to get through this," Alex promised.

"I know."

Olivia pulled Alex into a hug. "I love you" she whispered into Alex's ear.

"I love you too," Alex replied.

Just as things began to settle down, everyone busy doing paperwork, or trying to through to the tabloid, a young woman walked into the room.

"Can I help you?" Olivia asked.

She nodded, "I hope so."

Olivia took the girl aside to speak to her.

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Jessica Swanson. I'm 22. Last night, I was walking home from the bar, only 2 blocks from my house. A man, ran up to me and knocked me into the cement. The next thing I knew, I was in a small, dark room and he was on top of me… Inside me…" Jessica began to cry, Olivia handed her a tissue. "When he was done, he slapped me, gave me these bruises and left he on the street."

Olivia took notes as she listened. "Did you get a look at your attacker?"

"All I saw was when he came towards me, tall, dark hair, rugged features. It was dark, I couldn't see more."

"Was he white, Asian, Hispanic, African-American?"

"Hispanic, I think."

She jotted that down too. "I'm going to take you to the hospital and have you taken to the hospital for an examination, okay?"

The girl nodded.

"Be right back." Olivia crossed the room back to her desk to let Elliot know where she was going.

"Okay Liv, see you when you get back," he said.

She nodded at Alex, "See you soon,"

"I'll be here."

Olivia went back over to Jessica. "Ready?" she asked with a small smile.

"I guess," Jessica meekly responded.

"Is there anyone you want me to notify?"

"My parents live in the city, I guess they would want to be there. Benjamin and Victoria, (212) 813-9034."

"I'll call them and we'll be on the way."

Olivia led her to her desk until she made the phone call.

About halfway there, Jessica pulled something out of her coat pocket and handed it to Olivia.

Something didn't seem right. It was a small, brown, plainly wrapped package.

_Tick, tick, tick._

"BOMB!" Olivia screamed at the top of her lungs.

Before anyone could take action, she had thrown it and watched it explode.


	6. Chapter 6: Aftermath

_Chapter 6: Aftermath_

In the mess of the explosion, Jessica had disappeared. The squad room was in shambles.

Alex stuck her head out from under Olivia's desk. "What the fuck just happened?"

"I'm not sure." A piece of paper floated onto the ground as the room settled. Olivia picked it up. "No dykes in New York."

"This just gets worse and worse, doesn't it?" She grumbled. "Is anyone hurt?"

Elliot, Munch and Fin just had minor scratches. Olivia looked at Alex and noticed a streak of blood across her face. Immediately she fell to her knees at the blonde's side.

"Are you okay?"

"It just hurts a little," Alex said weakly.

"I'm taking you to the hospital. El, call a bus."

"This is Detective Elliot Stabler, 1-6. I need a bus to the Precinct. One injury.."

Olivia tuned that out to focus on Alex. She grabbed a wad of tissues from her desk and pressed them on the wound. "You're going to be okay."

"Liv," Alex said, touching Olivia's forehead, "You're bleeding too."

Olivia touched her own head to realize she had also received a wound. "I'm fine," Olivia promised.

In the time they had known each other, this wasn't the first accident they'd encountered together. Olivia vividly flashbacked to when Alex had "died" and been gone for so long. She had been there for Alex then and there was no way she was going anywhere now. Olivia put her arms around Alex and they sat like that until the paramedics came to rush them both to the hospital.

Olivia's would wasn't even deep enough to warrant stitches. Alex however, wasn't so lucky. A chunk of metal from the desk had been blown off and end up in Alex's forehead. She was admitted into Mercy Hospital.

The sedatives wore off from the surgical procedure to remove the metal and stitch the wound. Alex opened her eyes and saw Olivia, Elliot, Munch, Fin and Cragen sitting in various positions around the room. Olivia, at her side; holding her hand, and the other's spread out in chairs. Even Arthur Branch had come into visit.

"Hey," she said weakly.

Olivia squeezed Alex's hand. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Been better, been worse. At least this time around, I'm not being hauled off to WPP," she lamely joked.

Olivia shot her a look. "No, you're not going anywhere, but home to relax."

"Kay," she replied. "Thank you everyone for coming down. That was pretty insane."

"No kidding, I mean, the bomb was handed to Olivia and you're the one who ends up in the hospital," Munch said loosely.

"You really need to be more careful," Elliot added. "We're not losing you for real this time."

"Alex," Arthur Branch even piped in, "we'll find the source of the threat and prosecute to the fullest extent of the law."

"Good. And as soon as they let me go, I'm all over it."

"No, no, you're on bed rest for the rest of the week."

Alex sighed, "Fine."

"So stubborn," Olivia commented, squeezing Alex's hand again.

"That's me. I know that you're stubborn too Detective, don't even try to lie," she retorted, sitting up in the bed. "Okay, I'm ready to go home."

"I'll go see what I can do," Fin announced, looking meaningfully at Elliot and Munch.

"We'll help," Munch added, following Fin out with Elliot close at his tail.

The bosses soon left for "work" purposes, leaving Olivia and Alex alone.

"I'm glad you're okay," Olivia told Alex softly. "I was really worried about you."

"I know, Livy," Alex replied, sending chills up Olivia's spine.

Olivia sat on the edge of the hospital bed and put her arm around Alex, kissing her temple.

"How's your head?" Alex asked, brushing Olivia's hair back to show a small bandage.

"It's okay, they just cleaned and dressed it, nothing too major."

"That's good. I'm worried," Alex said quietly.

"About what?" Olivia inquired turning to face Alex.

"You. Me. Us. Everything that's going on."

Olivia ran her hand through her hair. "Please, please don't tell me you're walking away."

"No! I meant, for our safety. Someone handed you a bomb today, of course I'm worried."

Olivia squeezed Alex tighter. "Don't worry, nothing's going to happen. You're safe, babe."

Alex smiled and leaned in to Olivia, their lips close but not touching. Alex tilted her head slightly to meet Olivia's lips as a phone rang, ruining the moment.

"Benson," Olivia grumbled into her phone.

"It's Cragen. Alex is being released today, pending test results, and 1 PP is sending an officer down to be around the clock protection."

"Why don't I do it?" Olivia asked.

She heard the Captain sigh. "I know you want to Olivia, but with the recent publicity scandal and the threat to _both_ of you, I'm not taking a risk."

"Are you saying I can't be around her?"

She felt Alex tense up at that question.

"No, I'm not. There's just going to be an officer nearby at all times. Just be glad it isn't worse."

"I guess," Olivia said a little to roughly. "Sorry, it's just been a hell of a day."

"For everyone. Go home, rest, take care of her and I'll see you in a few days."

She was too tired to argue so her reply was a simple, "Okay" before hanging up.

Olivia relayed the message to Alex, getting her ready to leave. A half hour later the nurse and the doctor came in.

"Miss Benson?"

"Yes?" Olivia asked surprised, considering she wasn't the patient anymore.

"There's been a bit of a problem in your blood work."

Olivia grabbed Alex's hand harder this time, not knowing what to expect. It could be anything, something that could probably be treated with antibiotics no problem.

The doctor sensed her unease and offered, "I'll give you two a minute and come back."

When Dr. Hall was out of the room, Alex looked into Olivia's eyes. "Take a deep breath Livy. It's probably nothing major, don't stress too much, ok?"

The concern in Alex's blue eyes made Olivia settle down a little bit. "What if it's not?"

"Then, I will do whatever I can to help you. No matter what. I love you, Olivia, and no matter what happens, that will never change."

Olivia kissed Alex gently, "I'm ready, as long as you're here with me."

"I'm always going to be here, we can get through it."

5 minutes passed before the doctor knocked at the door again. "Are you ready? Would you like to do this in here?"

"Yes, Alex is _with_ me and whatever you say, I want her to be here. Well, I mean, she's in the hospital bed but you know what I mean."

Dr. Hall nodded. "Okay, well.."

The door burst open to reveal the boys from SVU. The stern look the doctor gave them made them back off, shutting the door again. Elliot mouthed, "What's going on?" through the window. She held one finger up.

The doctor continued. "Olivia, your white blood cells are very high presenting with blasts."

"Translation?"

"It's leukemia. Cancer of the blood."


	7. Chapter 7: There's No Way

_Chapter 7: There's No Way_

Olivia and Alex sat in shock for a good minute before Olivia could even ask the doctor the barrage of questions forming in her head.

"When the lab saw a high white blood cell count, they did a blood smear and found the blasts. It might be more advanced then we think, but we caught it at least."

"Run it again!" Olivia demanded. "I'm a cop, I can't have cancer."

"They ran it twice, I'm sorry, but it's conclusive. The next step would be a bone marrow biopsy to conclude that it is in fact Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia."

"Meaning?"

The words flowed into her head, letting them resonate. She had cancer. "I want to talk to my squad, and Alex," was all she said.

Dr. Hall simply nodded and exited the room, leaving the door open. Elliot, Munch and Fin trampled in. They saw the shocked look on both women's faces.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked.

"I.. I.." Was all Olivia could say before breaking into tears. She rested her head on Alex's shoulder.

"She has leukemia," Alex explained. "The doctor's ran the blood they drew in the ER and that was their conclusion.

Elliot's first reaction was to hug her. In a few steps he closed the space of the room putting his arm around his partner. "We'll get through this," he gently told her.

Even Munch and Fin sidled up to the bed and joined the pow-wow. They talked in hushed voices, trying to comfort Olivia.

"Maybe you should just get the bone marrow biopsy over and done with," Alex suggested.

Olivia sighed. "That would just make it real."

An hour later, Olivia went to find the doctor and gave him her decision. He nodded and told her he'd get the paperwork started. Many, many forms later, she was ready.

One, ugly blew gown on, she was laying on her stomach on a long table.

"Okay, Olivia, I'm going to cleanse the area," a doctor informed her. She felt a cold sensation on the her left hip. "Okay, I'm injecting lidocain to numb it."

A small prick went in, and in a few moments she felt nothing at all. The doctor proceeded to insert an aspirate needle into the skin till it hit the bone, twisting it through the bone and into the marrow cavity. He then attached a syringe to suck out liquid marrow.

Since Dr. Hall had also recommended a bone marrow biopsy, the performing doctor inserted a trephine needle into the bony cortex again with the same twisting motion to anchor a piece of marrow to be removed.

"All done," Olivia heard not long later. "I have to observe you for another 10 minutes then you're out of here."

"Oh, great," she muttered.

Upstairs, Alex was out of her bed, pacing the floor until she saw Olivia walk through the door. Elliot, Munch and Fin sat with her, just waiting.

10 minutes later, the doctor told Olivia, "Okay, there was no bleeding at the sight, you're okay to go. There will be some soreness at the sight for a few days, I recommend nothing too exerting. If the pain gets to you, I'll have Dr. Hall write you a prescription for stronger acetaminophen, Tylenol."

"Okay," she replied sitting up slowly.

He ran through the aftercare procedures, she signed and the doctor left her to get dressed. She moved as fast as her sore spot let her and got into the elevator hitting "6" to go back to Alex.

Alex saw Olivia down the hall, and she almost flew into her. "Did it hurt?"

"No, they numbed it. My left hip is still sore though."

Alex looked into the brunette's eyes and hugged her again.

They walked back to Alex's room to the waiting crowd.

Alex was discharged, and naturally, Olivia went with her. The tabloid scandal suddenly didn't seem to be the top priority concern. Alex watched Olivia move, a little slower then usual but managing.

She didn't know what to do, this was a bombshell. Olivia was her world, how could she be sick?

In the next few days, Olivia's soreness went away and she was moving normally. But the results pending kept them both worried, long after they had returned to work the following Monday and began investigating the tabloid scandal and the bomb threat.

The days lapsed into weeks. Alex's head healed nicely. It had been uncovered that the tabloid was courtesy of Lillian Cabot but the bomb remained a mystery. The girl who had walked in the precinct seemed to vanish into thin air. The phone number was a fake.

One Wednesday, a few more weeks later, Olivia's cell phone rang. "Benson."

"Miss Benson? This is Dr. Hall. You're results are in."

"Can you give me a second?"

"Sure," he said

She covered the mouthpiece and motioned for Alex to follow her upstairs. Once they were there, she spoke into the phone. "Okay, I'm ready."

"I'm sorry.."

That's all it took for Olivia's hope to disapear that this wasn't real.

"The biopsy confirmed that it is Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, also known as ALL. You're in stage 2 right now which is why I recommend starting treatment as soon as possible."

"Which entails what?"

"Chemotherapy, radiation, steroids and possibly bone marrow and stem cell transplants."

"Wow."

"I know, it's a lot to process. Most likely you will be started on chemotherapy and see if that puts you into remission."

"When?"

"Is Monday morning at 9 AM okay?"

"Fine, see you then," Olivia replied, hanging up her phone and facing Alex.

"I have chemo on Monday. I'm nervous."

Alex sat on the table facing Olivia in the chair. "If you want I'll go with you. I'll do anything I can to make you feel safe during this."

Olivia looked down then into Alex's eyes. "I just don't want you to see me getting worse."

"I don't care about all of that, in case you couldn't tell. I want you to be healthy and since I can't do that I promise you, that I won't leave your side, in sickness and in health."

"Sounds like a proposal, Counselor."

"And what if it is?"

Alex leaned into Olivia, placing her hand on her cheek. "I love you, Lex," Olivia said, "but I just don't want you to be responsible when I _die_."

"Baby, you're not dying anytime soon. I looked up on the internet, the chemotherapy will last 2 years, 2 months at first and there are even more stages of chemo after to keep the cancer away. The odds are looking better."

Olivia just shook her head and stood up. "No, Lex, I mean, you're going to take care of me for all these years and when it eventually takes its toll, you're alone."

Alex just stared at her, incredulous. "Olivia! I'm asking you to be with me forever and you're worried about what might or might not happen years down the road."

"It WILL happen Alex, whether you like it or not and I'm not going to leave you in a lurch. I LOVE you but can we just keep it simple?"

Alex pulled a small box out of her pocket and threw it at Olivia. "That's the ring," were her last words as she stormed down the stairs and out the door.

Olivia opened the navy blue box and her jaw dropped. A white gold band with a single stone. It was beautiful. Her heart told her to go but her head told her no.

Alex had never run that fast in high heels as she did out of the Precinct. She never thought that Olivia would do that. All she tried to do was help and this is what happened? 'Fine,' she thought, 'then I'm done caring.'

She hightailed it back to her office and stayed there most of the night, working to get the events of the day off of her mind, which wasn't as effective as she'd hoped.

Olivia, sat numb upstairs for what seemed like hours. She was dying and turned down the woman she loved in a proposal. Before she could say, 'What could make this day worse?' she stopped herself knowing that will ALWAYS make it worse.

Elliot was standing at the top of the stairs. "What are you going to do?"

Olivia turned. "I don't know." She showed her partner the ring. His eyes widened. "Yeah, exactly. If I chase her now, she might not care. If I don't, I might never know."

"Just think, Liv, she wants to spend the rest of your time with you, no questions asked."

"But, when I'm gone, I don't want her to have the burden."

Elliot shook his head, "Always the stubborn one."

Olivia shrugged, pocketed the box and followed Elliot downstairs and back to work.

Monday at 9 AM, Olivia reported to the oncology department of Mercy Hospital. She met with Dr. Hall and the oncologist, Dr. Jergens. Once they were sure Olivia understood everything, she was taken into a room, stuck with a needle and so the chemo began.


	8. Chapter 8: What Am I Supposed To Do?

_Chapter 8: What Am I Supposed To Do?_

Olivia sat tethered to the chemo bag for an hour, feeling a little woozy after just the first treatment. The nurse came and unhooked the bag. "How do you feel?"

"Drained and woozy," Olivia replied, easing herself out of the bed. "And a little---nauseous."

"That's normal, it'll get a little easier the second treatment. See you next Monday."

Olivia ambled out of the hospital towards her car. 'After only one day and I feel like this? It was going to be a long two years,' she groaned inwardly.

She was able to return to work that Thursday. The squad room was in the midst of repairs, so she was in a makeshift desk in the back corner, deep in thought about everything. By Friday she had gotten a lead on the bomb.

Leaning back in her chair, she sighed, knowing she'd have to call Alex. Picking up the phone, she dialed a very familiar number. However, the voice at the other end wasn't the one she'd expected.

"Novak."

"Um, Casey? It's Olivia."

"Hey," Casey replied, tapping her pen on the desk.

What's up? Where's Alex?"

"Well, McCoy put her on bed rest all week, remember? But I think that she's taking some personal time on top of that."

Olivia sighed. "It's my fault, you know."

"Don't worry too much Olivia," Casey replied. "She'll come around." She looked at the woman across her desk. "So, what's up? Why did you call?"

Suddenly, Olivia remembered why. "I found a lead on the bomb. Can you come down?"

"I'm in court till 2, but as soon as that's done, I'll be there."

"Okay, see you then."

They both hung up. Casey looked up from her desk at Alex sitting across from her.

"How did she sound?" Alex asked quietly.

"Concerned, tired, worried," Casey replied, walking around to the other side of the desk and sitting on the edge of it. She covered Alex's hands with her own.

"It's just so hard," Alex murmured.

"I know, but you're going to get through this."

Alex shrugged and looked down at the floor. Casey squeezed Alex's hands reassuringly. It was only 11 AM, 2 hours till she had to be in court.

"Alex," she began, getting the blonde to look up. "I know exactly how you feel, believe me. What would you say to going out tonight? Have some fun?"

Alex looked at the redhead, shrugging again. "Maybe. I'm going to go home, but I'll call you later in the afternoon and let you know, ok?"

Casey nodded. "Sure." She dropped Alex's hands, watching the blonde walk out of the office.

_2:30 PM_

Casey walked into the precinct, and went up to Olivia. "How are you feeling?"

Olivia shrugged. "Physically, I'm okay, but I'm an emotional wreck. Finding out you have cancer takes a toll on your emotional health."

Casey hadn't really heard the details of what had happened so Olivia filled her in. "So, Alex had the piece of metal lodged in her head then you find out about the leukemia?" She sighed. "That must've been a hell of a day."

"Oh, it was. But it gets worse."

Casey winced. Alex had told her briefly but she was curious as to what Olivia would say. "Alex and I recently began our relationship, but she proposed, and I wanted to say yes, I really did, but it's not fair to her that I'm going to die. I said no Casey. I don't want her to hate me."

"She doesn't," Casey replied. "Her ego is a little bruised but she doesn't hate you. I can promise you that."

"You've talked to her?" Olivia asked, looking up at the redhead next to her.

"Yeah, she swung by when I came back to SVU for the time being."

"What about your other department?"

"Everyone shuffled so I'm here for now," Casey offered with a smile. She gently squeezed Olivia's hand in a comforting gesture. "So, now, tell me what you discovered about the bomb."

Olivia dropped Casey's hand and launched into a full description of her investigation. It wasn't much but it would hopefully be a start as to find the girl again.

Elliot, Munch and Fin were all out on a case, and Cragen was out of the office at the moment. The only noise around them was construction workers trying to reconstruct the squad room. There was a dust storm in full progress.

"Do you want to talk outside?" Olivia asked over the sudden burst of noise.

Casey nodded and followed Olivia down the hall to the conference room. Olivia asked her friend all about her personal life since she'd been out of SVU. Before they knew it, an hour had passed.

"Hey Casey, would you want to grab diner tonight?" Olivia asked casually.

Casey's phone vibrated indicating a text message.

_Message: I'm free tonight._

"Ooh, sorry Liv, I'm busy tonight, how about tomorrow night?" Casey said flipping her phone closed after typing a short reply.

"Another date Casey?" Olivia joked.

"Something like that," Casey replied with an eye roll.

"Well whoever it is, is lucky to be out with you."

"Thanks, but for sure tomorrow, we need to catch up anyway."

Olivia returned to work as did Casey. At 6 PM, Casey turned her office light off and headed down the stairs. She caught a cab down to a restaurant she loved and got a window seat.

5 minutes later, a beautiful blonde walked by, waving as she entered the front door.

"Hey," Alex greeted, sliding into the booth across from Casey. "Did you read my mind? I was totally craving Italian," she said laughing.

"I love Italian food, so I'm glad you do too."

They ordered drinks and two pasta dishes. Meatball marinara for Casey and shrimp scampi for Alex. Alex was cheered up greatly with Casey's presence. "I've got to say thank you Casey," she said, finishing the last bite of her pasta.

"For what?"

"Taking me to dinner, making sure I'm having fun, not sitting alone in my apartment again."

"You're welcome, anytime." Casey smiled across the table. "Desert?"

"Of course."

They ordered a slice of chocolate cake and a slice of cheesecake to share, along with another drink each. "So, Casey, does my reputation precede me?" Alex asked, sipping her drink.

"And which one is that?"

"The reputation I know you heard about, that I'm an ice princess."

Casey rolled her eyes at Alex and touched Alex's fingers with her own. "No, Alex, you're a perfectly lovely woman. Anyone who gets the chance to be with you is lucky."

Alex had the strong urge to get closer to Casey for some reason. She laced her fingers with Casey's and they sat there like that for a moment till the dessert arrived.

Between bites, Casey said, "I'm really glad you accepted my invitation tonight Alex. I have wanted to do this long ago but one of us were always too busy."

"Oh, I know. We're here now, and that's the important thing, right?"

"Right.. Oh you have to try this," Casey said, taking a forkful of cheesecake and feeding it to Alex.

"Yum! Try the chocolate," she replied, feeding Casey a bite.

"Also good."

They both smiled. Casey stood up and sat next to Alex. "Is this okay?"

"Of course," Alex said, a little husky. Their fingers brushed again, sending a familiar chill down Alex's spine.

'This can't be happening,' Alex thought to herself. 'But it is… And I don't know if I should be fighting it…'

Alex's natural reaction would be to go along with it, not just because she was hurt, but because Casey was being supportive and caring and she appreciated it.

Casey's hand was resting on the table and before she could stop herself, Alex was holding it. She saw Casey's smile and smiled back.

Through the window, Olivia was taking a walk and thought she saw Casey. Taking a closer look, she saw Alex and Casey, together.

Neither women inside saw her, as she disappeared into the night.


	9. Chapter 9: Is This Real?

_Chapter 9: Is this real?_

"So, Alex, want to catch a movie?" Casey asked as they split the tab.

"Sure, what's playing?"

They walked to the movie theater a few blocks down, picking a girly comedy. Buying tickets they went inside and sat down. The lights dimmed and the movie started. Their fingers brushed. Alex suddenly was hesitant and Casey felt it.

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to do," Casey whispered, leaning into Alex, taking in her scent.

"I know," Alex whispered back, "We'll see, okay?"

"Okay," Casey replied, her ego only slightly bruised.

The night ended after the movie let out. They hugged, and Casey kissed Alex on the cheek before hailing a cab. Alex hailed her own cab, calling out a "see you later," to the red head.

"See ya," Casey yelled back.

Alex got in her cab, and started to head uptown to her apartment, then turned around and headed back downtown. She got out at a very familiar address. Alex walked up the stairs to the 3rd floor and knocked.

At first there was no answer. She knocked again. There was a small commotion inside and she heard the deadbolt opening. Instead of Olivia, another brunette answered.

"Abbie! What are you doing here? I thought you were in DC?"

"I was, but I took a week off to visit New York City," Abbie replied, stepping outside the apartment and closing the door. "Look, Alex, I'm glad to see you, but Olivia doesn't really want to right now," Abbie told her trying her best to be gentle.

"What's going on?" Alex demanded.

"She's hurt, and I don't think seeing you again right now would help. She saw you and Casey earlier at that restaurant you know."

Alex gasped. "Are you serious? I need to talk to her…"

Abbie stopped her. "Not right now. Let her relax tonight, maybe call her tomorrow?"

Alex sighed. "Fine, okay, goodnight," she said, defeated.

Abbie watched Alex go, shook her head, and went back inside. Olivia was in the same spot on the couch, tissues in hand. "What did she want?"

"I told her that you saw her and she wanted to talk to you but I told her to call tomorrow."

"I don't know anymore Abbie. If I can be replaced by Casey in a matter of days, then I guess I didn't mean anything to her." Olivia took out the ring box and threw it against the wall.

Abbie sat on the couch and pulled Olivia into a tight hug. "Shh, it's going to be okay," she whispered.

Olivia blew her nose into the tissue. "Ab, could you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone."

Abbie jumped on the offer, "Of course, will you be okay if I ran back to my apartment to get a change of clothes though?"

"You kept it?"

"Of course, for when I was in the City. I'll be back soon, kay?"

Olivia nodded and turned the TV on.

20 minutes later, there was a knock on the door. "Wow, you're fast," Olivia commented letting Abbie back in.

"I only live 4 blocks away, you know."

"True."

"How are you feeling?"

Olivia shrugged, "Besides the confusion of the medical development, and the proposal that I turned down, I'm hurt. Hurt that Alex could do what she did."

Abbie put her arm around Olivia. "I know, sweetheart. Don't worry, it'll all work out for the best."

Alex didn't call.

Monday came, and Olivia was back to the hospital for more chemo. Abbie volunteered to go with her. She watched Olivia vomit from the toxicity. Emotionally, Olivia had started to improve slowly, which was a upside.

Alex went out to lunch with Casey a few times that week, to distract herself perhaps. During one of their lunches Alex finally got the nerve to text Olivia and check up on her.

_To: Olivia Benson_

_Message: Hi, I just wanted to check up on you, make sure you're okay. I'm sorry for everything._

A moment later, her phone vibrated in response.

_From: Olivia Benson_

_Message: I'm sorry Alex, but nothing's changed. I'll give you the ring back, have Casey bring it to you. I hope you're happy now._

Alex sighed and didn't even reply. She was enjoying Casey's company but missed Olivia at the same time.

"What's wrong?" Casey asked, sensing the blonde's tension.

Alex shook her head, "Nothing, I'll be okay."

"If I hold your hand right now, would that make you uncomfortable?"

Alex shook her head again and laced her fingers with Casey's again, and it felt more natural this time around. They were sitting in the middle of a pizza parlor that day, sharing a cheese pizza.

An unsuspecting Elliot walked in, and jumped at what he saw. "Please, don't tell me…"

They broke apart, surprised at the voice behind them.

"Elliot.."

"So, it was true.. Good job, this is an all time first for SVU."

He ordered and quickly rushed out with another word. Alex and Casey didn't show any more signs of affection that day, maybe it was the universe telling them that it wasn't right.

"Everyone will eventually calm down," Casey tried to reassure her.

Alex just sighed. "I don't even know anymore. My heart and my head are telling me two different things."

"Think on it, no rush," Casey promised, hugging Alex tight.

A few weeks passed. Olivia fought tooth and nail to get off desk duty and Cragen finally agreed. She just wanted to keep busy, keep her mind off everything. Abbie had left already back for DC with a promise to return as soon as possible.

Alex and Casey hadn't been around each other as much. The first of the next month, April, Alex was to return to ADA of SVU and Casey was back to her normal department.

It was going to be a big change for everyone. Elliot had never told Olivia what he'd seen that day at the pizza parlor.

Olivia's chemo treatments made her drained and she was out of it the rest of the day. The vomiting had worsened.

"Always a fighter, aren't we?" Elliot said, holding a basin under her chin when he took her one Monday.

"Of course," she replied, throwing up again.

The first week Alex was back, she avoided Olivia as much as possible. One reason being that she knew Olivia didn't want to see her, and two, she hated to see Olivia sick and there was nothing she could do to help. It was killing her slowly.

Casey came into her office on a Wednesday afternoon in April. "What do you want to do?" she asked, as gently as possible.

Alex took off her glasses and crossed her office to stand in front of Casey. "What do you mean?"

"Between you and I."

Alex sighed, " I don't know. All this is very sudden. "And the last thing I want to do is hurt you."

"Like she hurt you?"

"Yeah, exactly. I know how I _feel_ I'm just a little scared."

Casey took another step closer and placed her hands on Alex's waist. "I never told you how I felt about you, from the moment we met."

Alex sucked her breath in. "Oh really?"

"Really. There's so much I wish I could've said so long ago. But you and Olivia… I never wanted to interfere there and I know this seems like the worst time ever, but it's kinda just happened."

Alex nodded, looking Casey deep in the eyes. In that moment, they realized something. Casey leaned in and their lips met in a kiss.

***

A/N: I know! I know! Casey = evil. It's all going to make sense later, I promise. Please bare with me and review! Thank you!


	10. Chapter 10: Too Real To Deny

_Chapter 10: Too Real To Deny_

When they broke apart, Alex's face was flushed. "I never knew you felt that way," she whispered.

"I never thought this would ever happen," Casey added.

"Me either. So, now what?"

Casey shrugged, "I'm not sure. Are you?"

Alex laughed a little, "Not at all. I never expected this, especially after what's happened in the last couple months."

Her inner turmoil began to bubble up. The first thought on her mind was Olivia.

"I… Don't know if I can do this right now," Alex blurted out. "I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you. I liked the kiss, I just need time."

Casey just nodded and walked out of the office, crushed.

Alex ran her fingers through her hair, and sighed, unsure of what to do next. She had been hurt _and_ hurt someone all in such a close time frame. What was even right anymore?

As Casey walked down the street, she debated what to do next. 'What _was_ there to do?' she wondered.

In a few more minutes she end up at the 1-6 Precinct. She stopped and looked up at the building. 'I could go in,' Casey mused, 'but I don't want Olivia to know.'

However, in a moment of weakness, she entered and went up to the SVU squad room.

The reconstruction was going well, almost finished. Olivia wasn't at her desk, then she heard the sound of throwing up and instinctively went for the ladies room. Olivia had her head over a toilet upchucking everything in her system.

Casey kneeled by the brunette and rubbed her back in slow circles as the vomiting ceased. She noticed that Olivia's hair was starting to fall out in small patches.

"Thanks, Casey," Olivia whispered, wiping her mouth. "This chemo really is taking its toll."

"So I can see."

Olivia stood up and went to wash her mouth out in the sink with Listerine. Casey stood at the next sink and made sure she was okay. "After almost 2 months and I'm feeling this, I'm not ready to see what happens in 2 years," Olivia gripped.

"Me either," Casey replied.

"So, what brings you in here?"

"I was… In the area, and I was passing by so I'd thought I would drop in."

"Oh, well, it's good to see you, Counselor."

"It's good to see you too, Detective. Can you believe May 1st is next week?"

"Not at all, being back at work has made time fly by, which is what I need."

"That's good," Casey said, resting her hand on Olivia's lower arm. A tingle shot up Olivia's spine.

"Casey, what are you doing? What about Alex? I saw you in the window at that little Italian place awhile back."

Casey moved her hand. "I was just being nice, taking her out," she lied smoothly.

"So, holding her hand was…?"

"A comforting gesture, like this is," Casey replied, reaching out to cover Olivia's hand and squeezing it.

Olivia took a step back and looked down, then back at the ADA. No words came out, she just stood there for a moment, taking it all in.

"I've always had a flame for you Liv," Casey confessed.

"Wait… What?"

"At first, I knew you were still in shock that Alex was gone, so I didn't tell you then. After she'd been gone for awhile, I noticed that emptiness still at times. I didn't want to scare you. And I know what happened with you and her recently. Maybe it's still not the right time for 'us' but I just wanted to tell you."

Olivia just stared at the redhead that stood so close to her. "I'm not sure what to say," Olivia told her.

Casey took a step closer. "So don't say anything," she said huskily.

Olivia felt Casey's hands on her hips. She wanted to fight this, this couldn't be real. They both jumped when there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Liv, are you okay?" Elliot yelled.

Olivia instinctively moved away from Casey, and opened the door. "Yeah, I'm okay. This throwing up thing is a killer, though."

Elliot saw Casey still standing against the sink and shot her a look, _What are you doing here?_

Her look back said, _I heard her throwing up, I came to help._

Elliot shook his head, and walked away. Olivia let the door close and leaned against the cool tiled wall. "What now?" She said softly.

Casey walked over to her, and rested her palm against Olivia's cheek. Olivia felt that familiar tug in her stomach. _It should be Alex standing here, not Casey_.

Luckily, Casey sensed it, sighed and moved her hand. Olivia could feel that warm sensation though for an hour after.

By the time Olivia had moved from the bathroom, Casey was already gone. She walked back to her desk slowly, and plopped down. "What a day."

"You're telling me. Casey will hit on anything with long legs."

Olivia spun in her chair to face Elliot. "What are you talking about?"

"A couple weeks after you saw Alex and Casey, I saw them together again. I'm not sure if there's something go on but it seems like it."

"Casey said they're just friends…"

"Okay, maybe, but I'd be careful."

"El, I'm still hurting over Alex, I'm _not_ Alex where I can pretend it never happened."

As if on cue, Alex walked in, heels clicking on the tiles. She stopped at the sight of Olivia, the look on her face.

Elliot walked over to the blonde. "Alex, are you with Casey? Yes or no."

Alex sighed. "It's nothing.

"She's hurt still, Alex, and finding out about you and Casey will just make it worse."

Hours passed, as DD5's were worked on. Alex reviewed a few cases pending trial and left. Munch and Fin passed Alex in the hallway leaving as they were coming back.

"Alex," Munch said formally.

She sighed. "Does everyone know?"

"Yeah, it gets around," Fin added. "Don't let this hurt her," he warned.

Alex just nodded and continued outside into the sunshine.

Olivia sat at her desk, staring at the place Alex had stood only moments ago. Elliot, Munch and Fin exchanged concerned looks. This was a lot to handle for Olivia. They all knew she still loved Alex. But did Alex love her back?

Casey end up back in her office, staring at the back of the closed door. Alex had turned her down and Olivia hadn't said anything. This was time for Plan B.

_To: Alex Cabot_

_Message: Hey, if you're not too busy or to put off after what happened, would you want to grab a drink later?_

_From: Alex Cabot_

_Message: I can't tonight, sorry. I already have plans. _

Casey sighed. "Okay, that's fine."

_To: Olivia Benson_

_Message: Drinks tonight?_

A moment later she got her response._From: Olivia Benson_

_Message: I can't drink with the chemo, but dinner?_

'That's an improvement,' Casey said with a smile

_To: Olivia Benson_

_Message: Sure, that Mexican Cantina on 13__th__?_

_From: Olivia Benson_

_Message: Meet you at your office at 6:15_

Casey smiled in triumph.

The cantina had a good atmosphere, good food and tap beer. After ordering, Olivia and Casey made conversation. The events that had happened earlier seemed almost forgotten, or at least not discussed. An upside to the place, Olivia also realized, was that Alex would never step foot in here.

Dinner went smoothly, and they soon were back on the street, to a bakery Olivia loved, for dessert. Casey tried to act nonchalant but the closeness was killing her, she had to do something.

As she reached for Olivia's arm to loop hers through, a very familiar person was walking towards them, looking all sorts of incredulous.

"Busted."


	11. Chapter 11: Busted

_Chapter 11: Busted_

Alex walked closer to Olivia and Casey. "What the HELL is going on?"

"Just dinner, Alex," Olivia replied coolly.

"Let me guess, you're taking her to Gipetto's Bakery too."

Casey raised an eyebrow. "How did she know?"

"How do I know?" Alex snapped. "Because Olivia and I went there too. She took me there. But I'm so glad that you get to experience it with her too. And by the way, Casey, it's done."

Olivia moved a few feet back from both women. "Casey, you were involved with Alex?"

'Bad timing,' Casey thought bitterly.

"She kissed me," Alex said with a smirk.

Olivia didn't say another word, spinning on her heel and walking away leaving Alex with Casey. "Good job," Casey said without looking up at the woman next to her.

Alex just smiled. "You're welcome." She hugged Casey and off they went to Gipetto's.

Olivia stormed down the street back to the station, slamming every door in her wake. "FUCK! FUCK!!" She screamed.

She didn't see Fin sitting at his desk, reviewing a file. He just watched as she slid to the floor in tears, then walked over.

"What happened?"

She looked up at him, tears heavy in her eyes. She explained everything as best as she could. His only reaction was, "That's some fucked up shit."

She nodded. "You're telling me."

"I didn't think she would do that to me. They were both using me for their own entertainment. I hope Alex knows that she broke MY heart this time."

Olivia felt like her world was ending, all over again. She was considering calling Alex, trying to make it right, but it was too late. Alex had found Casey to keep her company now. It wasn't fair.

"It's my fault for telling Alex 'no' but I never thought that in such a short time she'd be in Casey's arms," Olivia said to Fin.

"Me either, baby, me either." He hugged her tight. "Try to get some sleep. It might not come easy but you'll need it."

She was about to leave when her phone rang. "Benson."

"Hello, Detective," came a fluid voice. "Are you still with my daughter?"

"Lillian," Olivia said with ice in her voice. "No, but I found out I have leukemia, and your precious daughter proposed but I said no. And now she's out with the Devil."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that you're sick," Lillian said, softening a little.

"It is what it is. Could you make get that story about Alex and I retracted?"

Lillian sighed. "I can try. It's not supposed to be running still."

"Well, it is. And it's not making any of this easier."

"I'll see what I can do, Detective. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Olivia hung up.

The headline of the tabloids the next day still featured Olivia and Alex with a full-size picture of them holding hands. Olivia tore it up and threw it in the trashcan. "This is just getting ridiculous. It's been months, don't they have anything better?"

Her phone rang. Olivia being especially crabby, her usual answer of "Benson" had that extra snap to it.

"Hey, it's Ben in TARU. We might have a lead on your bomb."

"What did you find?" Olivia asked, walking in the TARU office 10 minutes later.

"Well, I pulled the camera's nearby to get a better face shot. Ran it through the system, got nothing. The prints on the piece of the package recovered was smudged but I got a 5 point match."

"Who is it?" Olivia asked impatiently.

He pulled up a picture on the screen. "Doesn't look like the girl, does it?" Ben asked.

"No," She frowned, "Are you sure?"

"Well, 5 point isn't 100% conclusive but for the print we got, that's your girl. Maybe, it was a disguise. Someone's getting smart. Her name is…"

"Laura Clifton," Olivia reported to the squad. "Last known address in the city was over a year ago. Possibly has multiple identities."

"I wonder if she has ties to any anti-gay groups or if she was just hired," Munch piped in.

"Go find out," Cragen instructed.

Elliot and Olivia went to the address from the file. Knocked on the first door, and were told they'd never heard of her. No one in that building that had been there for at least 2 years had heard of Laura.

"Landlord?" Elliot asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah."

_Knock, knock._ A large burly man answered. "I'm Detective Benson and this is my partner Detective Stabler. What can you tell us about Laura Clifton? She lived in 3A about a year ago."

"Nothing really, she paid rent on time, but otherwise I never saw her. No one did. Sorry, I couldn't help you more."

"It's okay. If you remember anything please give us a call," Olivia said handing him a card.

Elliot and Olivia walked down the stairs and back into fresh air. "I get the feeling he's hiding something," Elliot remarked.

"Me too. Let's find out."

"First thing's first El, I'm requesting for a new ADA."

Olivia entered the squad room determined. "Captain," she said walking into his office. "I would like to put in a formal request for a new ADA."

"Does this have something to do with the tabloid scandal?" Cragen asked.

"No, it has to do with personal business. I don't feel comfortable working with her and I feel that her decisions could possibly be bias."

"I'll call McCoy and see what I can do."

Olivia stood up.

"Off the record, I'm sorry for what happened between you two."

She nodded and walked back to her desk.

Cragen called the DA's office.

"Hey Jack, it's Don. I have a favor to ask you.. Yes it's professional.."

A few moments later he said, "Thank you, ok, bye," hanging up the phone.

"Olivia!" He called. She appeared at the doorway. "It's done. McCoy's an old friend of mine. We'll still have to do the paperwork but he's going to try to find another ADA as soon as possible."

"Thank you for doing this. Just not Casey, whatever he does. Anyone else, just not Alex or Casey."

A week later, Alex was officially notified that she was off SVU.

"What the hell, Jack? I've busted my ass for them."

"Sorry Alex, I got an official request, I can't ignore it."

"Great, and I bet I know who started it."

She stepped out of Jack's office and back to her own, letting the door shut hard.

Alex picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

***

A/N: I still hate Casey. Don't worry, it'll get better soon. A/O forever!


	12. Chapter 12: The Next Big Event

_Chapter 12: The Next Big Event_

Alex sat at her desk and listened to the phone ring.

"Novak."

"Hey, it's Alex. You wouldn't believe what's going on."

"What?" Casey asked, concerned.

"I'm off SVU. McCoy just gave me the news."

"Wow, I'm sorry. Who's coming in?"

"I don't know. God, I can't believe she'd do this."

Alex sighed.

"Want to go out after work?"

"Yeah. My office at 6?"

"See you then."

Casey practically ran into Alex's office, arms open for a hug. "It's going to be okay," Casey reassured her.

Alex sighed. "I guess. I mean, it's been a bombshell of a couple months. Non-stop something happening," she said. "Not all bad though. You and I is a good thing, but it hurt Olivia."

It was Casey's turn to sigh. "She'll come around eventually."

Alex looked at this woman in wonder. Hoping, just hoping, that she meant the same thing Alex was thinking. Alex kissed Casey's cheek. "Thank you, you've brightened my day."

"Anytime, babe."

Alex smiled at the pet name. She grabbed her purse from her desk. "Ready?"

Casey smiled, turned off the lights and followed Alex down the hall.

Olivia spent that night sitting alone in her apartment, too tired to work but too awake to sleep. Her mind wouldn't rest, wouldn't stop thinking about Alex. "How is this fair?" She wondered aloud, picking at the Chinese food in front of her.

When not even Chinese and her favorite movies could cheer her up, she knew it was bad. She wondered if Alex was sitting at home in the same prediciment. "No, she's probably out with the bitch," she bitterly remarked, putting the Chinese in the fridge.

_To: Alex Cabot_

_Message: Hi._

No response.

_From: Casey Novak_

_Message: Alex is.. Otherwise entertained at the moment. Sorry Detective._

Olivia saw red, and she threw down the phone onto the carpet. "This is bullshit! Utter bullshit!"

After a few minutes she picked it up and called Fin. "Are you free?"

"Um, Liv, I'm on a date. What's up?" He held up one finger to the girl across from him.

"I miss Alex. I regret saying no. She's out with Casey again. I don't want to lose her." Olivia started to cry, instead of being angry.

"I'll be right there." He hung up and turned to the girl, Veronica. "Sorry, that was my co-worker, having an emotional crisis. I'm sorry but I have to go."

"You're a good guy, Fin, call me, okay?"

She kissed his cheek and left the restaurant. He paid the bill and hailed a cab to Olivia's.

"I'm here," he announced, using the key she'd given him in case of emergency.

She was laying on the floor, head facing the door, crying. He covered the apartment in a few long strides and sat next to her.

"Tell me everything baby girl," he said, letting her rest her head on his lap.

An hour later, once she had cried it all out, she sat up. "You left your date just for me?"

"Of course Liv, you're my friend. It's the least I could do."

She hugged him tight. "God, I just want a drink right now."

"Chemo, remember?"

"Fuck it, for one night, I need this."

She grabbed her leather jacket and pulled it on, inhaling the lingering scent of Alex, who was the one who last wore it. Fin was at the door waiting already. They walked down the block to O'Donnell's.

"Just one or two beers, okay?" Fin said to Liv, seriously.

"Fine, fine."

This was Olivia's favorite bar. It was close to home and they knew her. "Hey Liv," Angelica called from behind the bar. She waved.

"You weren't kidding when you said they know you," Fin remarked, a little surprised.

"Nope, and I think the bartender has the hots for me but I'm not emotionally available."

"Obviously," he said. He walked up to the counter and ordered a pitcher of Guiness. He had two ice cold glasses in one hand and the pitcher in the other.

They finished their first glass and poured a second.

"So tell me about your date," Olivia said.

"Ah, Veronica. She's gorgeous, and intelligent. Just graduated Harvard Law. We hit it off instantly. Met her at a coffee shop a few days ago and asked her out."

"That's good," Olivia said with a smile.

A familiar voice floated into the small bar. "They know me by name here!"

Olivia and Fin both turned to see who walked in.

"What are the fucking odds?" Olivia grumbled. "Of all the Irish pubs in downtown Manhattan, why this one?"

Fin shrugged, at a loss at what to say. "Want me to do some damage control?"

Olivia shook her head. "I got this one, just cover me."

She stood up and walked over to the table and tapped Alex on the shoulder. "Counselors, enjoying your night?" To Alex specifically she said, "I never thought you'd frequent this pub again."

Alex shrugged. "Casey took me out and this is one of the best pubs and you know it."

"Of course, it's by my apartment."

Casey interjected into the conversation. "Olivia, would you like to join us?"

Olivia snorted. "Not even if someone was holding a loaded gun to my head. Enjoy your night."

She walked back over to Fin and chugged the rest of her glass. "Damn. This is going to kill me, if the cancer doesn't."

"Don't say that, you'll get through it." He looked beyond her to Alex standing there.

"Olivia."

She turned. "Yes, Alexandra?"

"I just wanted to thank you for getting me transferred from SVU. That made my day."

"That was oozing with sarcasm," Olivia shot back.

"You just can't be happy for me, can you?"

"What are you talking about?"

Alex motioned to Casey, sitting at the table still. "We hit it off and you're acting like we're 15 again."

"That's a little overkill, but maybe I'm acting this way, because I'm not over you."

She'd finally said it.

"You're not?" Alex asked softly. Fin had excused himself to talk to Angelica.

"No, but if Casey makes you happy, then I guess I'm happy for you."

Before Alex could even form a response, Olivia had went to the bar, said a few words to Fin and left.

Casey watched Olivia walk away, wondering what had just happened. She was about to find out as she walked up to Alex. "Everything okay, babe?"

Alex just put on a smile "Yeah, it's okay. Another round?"

Casey nodded and they sat back at their table. Alex went up to the bar to order, Fin still was sitting there.

"She still loves me," Alex told him.

"No, really?! I coulda told you that long ago. Blonde."

"Don't diss blondes, Tutuola."

"Sorry, natural banter. Well, she might still love you but will that be enough to get back together?"

Alex took the pitcher and sat back at the table.

"The ice princess and the devil. What are the odds?" He muttered.


	13. Chapter 13: The Devil Strikes Again

_Chapter 13: The Devil Strikes Again_

Olivia walked home, still in shock that she'd finally told Alex what she did. She'd been trying to since they'd split. Her phone vibrated.

_From: Fin Tutuola_

_Message: Ice Princess left the bar, headed your direction. Tell me everything. _

Olivia sighed and turned around, only a few feet from her front door. No sign of her. She unlocked the lobby door, checked her mail, killed 10 minutes. Looked again. Fin was right, Alex was standing outside her door.

She sighed and pushed the door open. "Yeah?"

"Olivia, can I just explain?"

"Explain what? It was my fault that we aren't together. You found someone who makes you happy. I won't interfere." She pulled the small box out of her coat pocket. She had been taking it with her when she was out. "Here's the ring."

Alex shook her head. "Keep it. I want you to have it."

Olivia pocked the box again. "I haven't worn this jacket since you wore it that one night."

Alex seemed so natural, leaning against the counter under the mailboxes. "Does it still smell like me?"

Olivia swallowed hard and nodded. They were only 2 feet apart, and Alex took advantage of that to play with the bottom of Olivia's jacket. "I do miss you," Alex remarked, staring into Olivia's eyes.

"I miss you to Lexy." That nickname made Alex's knees go weak. "Be happy, I'm always here when you need me."

Olivia resolved to turn away and walk the 3 flights of stairs. Alex stood in the lobby for a moment before following her, slowly. As soon as Olivia's door closed, Alex knocked.

Olivia looked through the peep-hole and sighed. She unlocked the door. "Alex, what else can I say to you?"

"Nothing, Liv." Alex took a deep breath and kissed Olivia. Their tongues danced.

After they broke apart, both were speechless. "Wow," was all Liv could say.

"Yeah, I know. I miss you too. I want you to be happy too."

Alex kissed her on the cheek again before walking down the hall. The first thing Olivia did was text Fin.

_To: Fin Tutuola_

_Message: She just left. Come over._

_From: Fin Tutuola_

_Message: See you in a few._

5 minutes later, Alex walked back into the bar and sat back down next to Casey. Fin waved as he left.

"What happened?" Casey asked.

"We talked. She wants us to be happy."

"Are YOU happy?"

Alex looked at the redhead, lacing their fingers together. "Of course. I'll always have feelings for Olivia but if she's not willing, I just have to move on."

Casey nodded and squeezed Alex's hand. "I'm sorry this is happening, Lex. I'm here for you 100% and you know that."

Alex smiled. "I know, sweetheart. Let's finish our drinks and go back to my place. I just want to get out of here."

Casey had never been to Alex's before. It was a spacious 2 bedroom on Park Avenue. "Wow," Casy said. "This is really nice. Are you just rich or did the Feds set you up here?"

Alex laughed a little. "Well, my family has money, and when I told the Feds I wanted uptown again, they found me this place. I couldn't pass it up."

"Mm, I wouldn't either."

"Coffee?"

"Sure, keep me awake and hopefully keep the hangover away tomorrow."

"True."

Alex made a pot of coffee, pouring two mugs and settling on the couch with Casey. It was only 9 PM, too early for bed. "Uh, so do you want to watch TV?" Alex asked, a little nervous.

Casey shrugged, "Sure."

Alex curled up on her cream white couch and flipped the 52" flat screen on. Settling on Gilmore Girls, they sipped their coffee's and relaxed. Casey barely was focused on the screen, more on the woman next to her.

Fingers interlaced, Casey put her head on Alex's shoulder. She kissed Casey's forehead, before Casey turned her head so their lips brushed. They were acting like teenagers, but it felt right in that moment.

"Maybe---" Casey started, "We should stop. Early morning."

Alex looked at the clock, slightly past 11. She sighed. "Only if we continue this later."

"I promise babe. Call you when I get home."

Alex was alone in her apartment, feeling a little guilty for not telling Casey that she'd kissed Olivia earlier. Her phone went off 15 minutes later.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey, I'm home Going to try to sleep. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you then. Sweet dreams."

"Same to you."

Alex climbed into bed around 12, till the sound of knocking jarred her. "Who would knocking this late?"

She threw on PJ shorts and a tank top before heading to the door. Olivia stood there, soaking wet. "I got halfway out my door, it started to rain, but I had to come," Olivia explained.

Alex opened the door for Olivia to come in.

"I had to talk to you again."

Olivia rested her hands on Alex's hips, toying with the drawstring on her shorts. "All I could think of was that kiss. Fin came back over and I just knew that I had to come back."

Alex walked to the bathroom to grab Olivia a towel.

"Thanks," Olivia said, smiling.

"Liv, there's so much left unsaid. I feel like I need to explain a few things to you."

"Like, why you rubbed in my face that night about you and Casey?"

"Yeah, that… I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt you back. It was stupid and childish and I realize that. I wish I hadn't told you like that."

"It's going to take a lot more then a 'sorry', Alex. I was so hurt, I was beside myself."

Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist. "I'm really, really, sorry. I didn't want to hurt you."

"And I didn't want to hurt you, but I'm just scared."

"Of what?"

"Dying."

That one word held so much impact.

"Livy, you're not going to die on me, okay?" Alex said using her nickname.

"You don't know that Lexy, the chemo could not put me in remission. Or I could go into remission then relapse. No one knows."

"No, Liv, you mean too much to me to die. End of story."

Olivia smiled at Alex. "Still the stubborn one."

"Of course. But that's why you love me."

"Yeah, it is," Olivia admitted softly.

Olivia kissed Alex's smooth cheek, taking in the scent she'd missed so much.

"Does Casey make you happy though?"

"Yes, even though she will never compare to you. I've loved you for so long."

Olivia blinked back a tear. "Same here. I, I think I should go," she managed to say.

Alex frowned. "Can you stay? Please, for me?"

Olivia sucked in her breath before responding. This is what she'd been waiting for. To be alone with Alex, not fighting her for once. At the same time, she didn't want to interfere but she had the sudden urge to be selfish.


	14. Chapter 14: Temptation

_Chapter 14: Temptation_

Olivia debated in her head whether it'd be worth the risk. Alex was right in front of her. "Alex, are you going to tell Casey that I might spend the night?"

Alex paused, "I'm not sure. Are you actually going to stay?"

"I'd like to," Olivia replied.

Alex smiled. "Good, just as long as we get up for work."

"True. Time to sleep? It's after 1 now. We have to be up at 6."

"Okay, we'll talk in the morning," Alex said, hugging Olivia. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too. Well I'll be on the couch," Olivia yawned.

Alex's face had that sudden downtrodden look but it passed. "Okay, goodnight, see you in a few hours."

Alex went into the hall closet and pulled out a pillow and blanket. "If you're still cold, there's another blanket in there." _Or you could join me_, she thought.

Olivia nodded and laid down on the couch, pulling the blanket over her body. "Okay, goodnight."

"Night," Alex said, turning off the lights as she went into her bedroom. She grabbed her phone and text Casey, just to let her know.

_To: Casey Novak_

_Message: Hey, just letting you know that Olivia is spending the night. See you tomorrow babe._

_From: Casey Novak_

_Message: Okay, see you then. Behave._

About 3 AM, Olivia woke up, covered in sweat. She had another nightmare. Alex came out of her room, groggy.

"What's wrong?"

"Sorry, did I wake you? I had another nightmare. Guess I screamed in my sleep."

"Yeah, but don't worry, I don't mind."

Alex sat on the edge of the couch and put her arm around Olivia. "I'm sorry you have nightmares. Is this reoccurring?"

"Yeah, I get it a few times a week, wake up in a sweat. This is the first time since Abbie left that someone's been there for me when I woke up."

"I'm glad I was here Liv," Alex quietly told her. She paused. "Do you want to come to my room?"

Olivia sat up to look at Alex. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I mean, I want you to sleep better. Maybe having me next to you will help?"

Olivia smiled at the offer. "Okay."

Together this time they walked back into Alex's bedroom. As soon as the lights were off, Alex rolled over to Olivia. "Liv?"

"Yeah, Lex?"

"I'm glad you don't hate me."

"What are you talking about? You should hate me for what I said."

"And you should hate me for the way I've been acting!"

They burst into laughter. "Well, I don't hate you," Olivia remarked.

"Me either… Goodnight."

"Night."

Olivia reached under the blankets to find Alex's hand. "Je t'aime," she whispered.

"I love you too," Alex said back. She rolled over to be face to face with Olivia. Both women smiled, gazing into each other's eyes. After a few moments, Olivia leaned in to kiss Alex.

"I've missed that," Olivia said.

"Me too."

Alex curled into Olivia's side and soon they were both asleep.

6 AM, the alarm blaring, they woke up, arms and legs tangled together, smiles all around. It was just like nothing had ever went wrong. Regretfully, both women got dressed, ate breakfast and walked out the door.

"Liv, do you still want me off SVU?"

She sighed. "They were going to have to transfer one of us eventually, even before I requested it. You and Casey are going to face the same problem if you ever come out, officially."

Alex just stared at her incredulous. "Did last night mean nothing to you?!"

Olivia shook her head furiously. "Of course it did, but if you're still with Casey…"

The blonde just rolled her eyes. "Liv, Liv, Liv… Come over after work, we'll sort it all out."

"Okay," she agreed. "See you later."

With another hug, Alex left Olivia in front of the precinct and headed to her own office building.

"Hey Liv," Elliot hollered, "I came by your apartment late last night but you weren't there. Where'd you go?"

"Out," she replied with a smile.

"Uh huh, sure. And I thought after being partners for so many years you'd be telling me these things! I mean, you called FIN?"

"Hey!" Fin yelled. "It's not my fault you're all the way in Queens. Why were you in Manhattan late anyway?"

Elliot sighed. "Kathy and I got into an argument, so I came down to the station. I stopped at your place but there was no answer."

She walked a few feet from Elliot's ear and whispered, "I was at Alex's, just don't ask, okay?"

"Okay, okay. I'm still going to tell you to be careful." Elliot raised his eyebrow at her. "Don't get mixed into a triangle."

"I will be careful, don't worry. But thanks." Olivia smiled at him.

Casey walked into Alex's office that afternoon, smiling at the woman behind the desk. "Hey, how did it go last night?"

Alex had a vivid flashback but quickly replied, "Oh, fine, we talked and she slept on the couch."

Casey couldn't tell anything was wrong, she just walked over to Alex and wrapped her arms around the woman. "Lunch?" Casey asked.

"Deli down the street?"

"Sure."

Just give a second okay? I'll meet you in the lobby."

Casey nodded, smiled at Alex again, kissing her cheek before leaving.

Alex grabbed her phone and sent a quick text.

_To: Olivia Benson_

_Message: I'm going to lunch with Casey. I'm not sure what to tell her._

_From: Olivia Benson_

_Message: It's up to you, I back you up either way. _

_To: Olivia Benson_

_Message: Thanks, love you, see you tonight._

Olivia read that last text, over and over, she loved Alex, but her reasoning for saying 'no' still stood. She literally felt stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Meanwhile, Alex walked out of her office, heart heavy, and met a waiting Casey.

"Ready?" The redhead inquired.

"Yeah," Alex said, leading the way to Piper's Deli.

Sitting in a corner booth, Alex set her sandwich down and looked at Casey.

Alex's confession, "I think we should break up," came at the same time as Casey piped in, "I think we should move in together."

"Wait, what?"

"Case, it's nothing personal, I just don't…I jumped into this…"

Casey just stared at Alex.


	15. Chapter 15: Broken Hearts Club

_Chapter 15: Broken Hearts Club_

"Can you say something?" Alex asked.

Casey just kept staring. "I don't know WHAT to say."

Alex looked down at her lunch, suddenly not hungry. In a messed up circle, everyone broke each other's hearts. Alex instantly felt bad, so she reached for Casey's hand. Casey pulled away and shook her head. "Don't."

"I'm sorry for doing this Casey, I really am. You really cheered me up, helped me go from being broken to being whole. I don't want us to stop being friends."

"Friends?" Casey sputtered.

Alex took a long, hard look at the woman across from her. "Our relationship, albeit brief, was still good. It meant something, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." She shot Casey a brief smile before continuing. "However, as much as Olivia broke my heart, I still love her."

Without another word Casey stood up and strode out of the deli, leaving her and sandwich half-eaten on the table. Alex took a deep breath before wrapping her own sub and walking back to the office.

The day was a blur after that for both women. Alex was up to her neck in cases, Casey had nothing pending surprisingly and sat stone faced at her desk, staring at the picture that sat in the corner. Her and Alex, smiling, arms around each other, carefree. Those days were gone. Casey flipped the picture over and sighed.

Alex finished up in court shortly after 3. She opened the door to her office, balancing a coffee in one hand. Alex flipped on the lights and saw her chair was rotated, not the way she'd left it. Setting the coffee down on the floor next to her briefcase, she walked over slowly, trying to get a better look at who was there.

"Casey!" Alex exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't stop thinking about what happened and I have a few things to say to you."

Alex groaned inwardly. _Great, _she thought to herself.

"I'm sorry for the walking away without an explanation earlier. I guess I just don't want to give up."

"Case, I don't know about anything right now. I'm going to need time."

Casey was holding back the emotions she longed to show Alex. _Why bother? _she told herself. _It's not like she'd care._

Casey just hugged Alex, kissing her cheek. "Bye Lex," she whispered in Alex's ear.

For that one fleeting moment Alex had the urge to chase Casey. But didn't. Casey wanted to turn back, but didn't. She felt instantly bad for hurting Casey but there was nothing else to say.

Alex sat at her desk for awhile, looking at the phone. Her day was at a standstill now. She picked it up and dialed.

"Benson."

"Livy, it's me. I told Casey. It's done."

"Wow, well that's good. I wonder how she's taking it."

Before Alex could say another word into the phone, Olivia heard heels down the hall. A redhead stormed into the room.

"I gotta go, Casey just stomped in."

She hung up, but didn't stand to greet the woman. Casey walked straight up to you.

"Did you she tell you?" Casey sneered.

"Tell me what?" Olivia asked, sipping the coffee on her desk.

"Don't act all innocent Olivia. Did Alex tell you what she did today?"

Olivia just shook her head, waiting to hear this one.

"Alexandra broke my heart. She did it for you, Detective. I hope _you're _happy."

Olivia sighed. "I'm sorry Case. Everything's a bit crazy right now. Is there anything I can do?"

Casey ran her hand through her hair. "Like what?" she asked softly. "The damage is done this time for good. I have to work in the same building as her, it's going to kill me."

Finally, Olivia stood up to hug Casey. "I'm really sorry. You know how Alex gets, always dead set in her ideas."

"Yeah, you're telling me. She told me she loved me. I thought… I don't know what I thought."

Olivia put her hand on Casey's lower back. "I don't want to be the middle man in this. Yes, me and Alex reconnected, and we still love each other, but that doesn't make what you and her had any less important."

Casey looked at Olivia. "What should I do?"

"I can't tell you that, that's what you have to figure out."

"Thanks, Liv, I'm going to go, but would you want to have casual drinks again sometime?"

"I'm always down for a beer," Munch threw in as he walked by.

Both women shook their heads.

"Sure," Olivia said. "I'll call you."

As Casey was halfway out the door, the echo of heels down the hall started again. A beautiful woman entered the room, briefcase in hand.

"Is this SVU?"

"Yes," Olivia replied. "Who are you?"

"ADA Sophia Jackson. I was just assigned to this department.

Olivia shook her hand. "Detective Olivia Benson. Welcome to SVU."

"Thanks. I've heard good things about the department," she said smiling. To Casey she asked, "and who are you?"

"ADA Casey Novak. I was assigned to this department while back. They'll keep you busy."

Sophia laughed. "Good, that's what I need right now."

After everyone had their introductions, Casey finally slipped out.

Fin pulled her aside and jokingly whispered, "She's gorgeous too, but remember, no more ADA's assigned to this squad. It's a pain in the ass to keep having to get new ones. Even though they are fine."

Olivia laughed and patted his shoulder. "Okay, okay, fine. I'll do my best."

"At what?" Sophia interjected, as she walked up.

"Oh nothing, just Fin trying to get in my business as always." Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Funny," Fin shot back, walking back over to Munch.

"So, where are you from?" Olivia asked Sophia, taking in her features. Tall, long dark hair pulled into a sleek ponytail, green eyes, slender, and a kind smile.

"Philadelphia. I just got to the New York recently. In Philly, I was seeing someone and it ended badly. I lost the apartment, and my job there. Instead of trying to salvage it there, I decided to start fresh here."

"Well, NYC is a good place for that. Just be careful, the broken hearts hurt here too. I just got out of a relationship too. I was diagnosed with leukemia recently, and got proposed to. I turned it down but I still regret it."

Normally, Olivia didn't tell people that story, but she felt comfortable with Sophia.

"Are they still around?"

"Yeah, and we've been seeing each other more often but it's not the same."

"I understand. Here's my card, if you ever want to talk, outside work, call me anytime."

Olivia handed her a card of her own too. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

"No problem. Well, I probably should get back to the office before McCoy sends the police. Oh wait, you're here. It'll be an easy search."

Olivia laughed and shook Sophia's hand again. "I'll see you around then."

"See ya, Olivia," was the reply as Sophia walked out of the room.

"Damn girl, I could see you blush all the way across the room," Fin commented.

"Shut up Fin!"

"Fine, fine, don't listen to me. No one does."

"Now you sound like Munch," Elliot added in, joining the circle.

"I resent that," Munch told them.

"Shut up Munch!" The three of them said in unison before busting up in laughter.

Olivia's chemo continued, the prognosis good so far. 5 months in, there was no major milestones but her blood work was looking a little better. The only change was that Olivia's hair started to fall out.

After a session, she decided to just cut her hair even shorter so it was less apparent as it came out. Sitting at Super Cuts, flipping through a magazine, she heard to familiar voices nearby.

In walked Alex and Sophia. Olivia had introduced them shortly after Sophia started. "Hey," they both greeted Olivia.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"A little bird told us to look here," Sophia said with a serious face.

"Yeah, a little bird named John Munch," Alex confessed lightheartedly.

"Figures," Olivia said rolling her eyes. "Can't keep his mouth shut."

"Was it a secret?" Alex asked.

"No, I'm just used to getting through this myself. But the company is nice."

Alex and Sophia both smiled. They had become good friends in the past couple months. Even Casey had taken a fondness to the new ADA, surprisingly.

Nothing had changed between Casey and Alex, despite Casey's attempts. And everything remained the same with Alex and Olivia due to Olivia's stubbornness.

A perfectly normal afternoon, however, was about to change.


	16. Chapter 16: Reminisce

_Chapter 16: Reminisce _

Olivia loved her even shorter hair, and with the sudden heat wave it kept her neck cool.

"Who wants to grab lunch?" Sophia asked.

"Ugh, I just threw up from the chemo but pizza does sound good," Olivia remarked.

"Sure," Alex said smiling.

The three women walked over to Ciao Bella and sat at a booth. They made light conversation over slices, Alex and Sophia on one side of the table and Olivia on the other.

"So, how's the ADA's office treating you?" Alex asked the woman beside her.

"Pretty good, nothing too major has happened in the last month since I've been here."

"That's true but just wait, you'll miss this lull after awhile."

Olivia sat and listened to them prattle on about law for awhile, in a world of her own.

_Flashback: Alex's Apartment_

_Olivia opened the door to the apartment and walked in. "Hey Lex," she called to Alex who was just walking out of her bedroom._

"_Hey," Alex replied._

"_So, Casey…." Olivia started, straight to the point._

"_It's done, don't worry Liv."_

_Olivia leaned in to kiss the blonde. "Good, she was starting to get on my last nerve."_

_Alex laughed. "It's you and me now, right?"_

_Olivia paused. "I can't say anything officially, but yes, I do love you and we'll just see what happens."_

_Alex frowned momentarily but Olivia's kisses took her attention. _

_They fell onto the couch in laughter._

Olivia sighed. The night Alex ended it with Casey she had a chance but didn't take it.

"You okay?" Alex asked, concerned.

"What? Oh, yeah, just thinking," she replied.

"Are we boring you?" Sophia inquired, "Sorry, I just find law so interesting."

"It's okay. I'm just going to head back to the office, work on some DD5's."

She was halfway out the door when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Olivia turned around to see Alex standing behind her. "Lex, what is it?"

"Nothing, I was just worried about you. I still care, no matter what. Whether we end up together again or not."

Olivia felt that familiar contraction in her stomach. "I have to go, Lex. I have work to do still."

Alex hugged her tight, squeezing her hand as Olivia walked out the door. Alex went back to the booth.

"Everything okay?" Sophia asked.

Alex shrugged. "I'm not sure. She's been having a rough time lately. I'm worried about her, but her walls are so high sometimes that I don't know what I can do."

Sophia rubbed the blonde's shoulder, "Don't worry too much, she'll come around."

"I hope you're right."

"Me too. I'll talk to her, okay?"

Alex simply nodded and smiled at Sophia.

The sound of heels in the Precinct still made Olivia's heart race, the same way it did when she knew it was Alex. But Alex rarely came around anymore. Their meetings were usually out of the workplace.

Sophia popped her head in, a serious look in her eyes. "Are you okay Olivia?"

"No, I mean, I just have a lot on my mind right now. Did Alex ask you to talk to me?"

Sophia cringed. "Kinda, but I wanted to talk to you myself anyway. You know you can talk to me."

Olivia started up the stairs, gesturing for Sophia to follow. They sat down and out poured the whole story from start to finish.

Sophia sat back in her chair and took it all in. "So Alex was the one who proposed," she mused.

"Yeah, and when we were fighting, I had her taken off SVU. It was for personal reasons, I wouldn't be able to see her professionally again."

"Understandable."

"I'm glad you get where I'm coming from. I'm just glad everyone's at least getting along now. Even Casey."

"She seems like a character. Tries to steal Alex, who breaks her heart. And in the interim hits on you. What a crazy circle."

"To say the least. Elliot, Munch and Fin are like brothers. They have supported every decision I've made and give me advice, whether I really want it or not."

"That sounds nice to have though. How long have you been in SVU?"

"11 going on 12 years. We've all seen our fair share of craziness here still stick around."

Sophia moved to the chair closer to Olivia. "I hope I stay assigned to SVU for many years to come."

Olivia looked at the woman next to her. "Me too, in the last month alone, you've gotten on everyone's good side here, which is hard to do."

Sophia laughed. "What else can I do?"

"Round of beer, Counselor," Munch yelled back from halfway down the steps.

Sophia looked at Olivia, who shook her head and whispered, "Alcoholics, I swear."

Munch retreated, leaving the women alone again. "Remember what we told you, Liv," he said walking away.

"See, not always wanted advice but I'll get it anyway," Olivia pointed out to Sophia.

"I see that. So, would you want to get dinner later? Casual, somewhere you like."

"Chinese?"

Sophia wrinkled her nose. "Not my favorite. Greek?"

"Sure, that sounds good."

Sophia stood as did Olivia. "Want to meet here then at 6?"

"Okay," Olivia replied. "See you tonight."

Elliot sauntered up to his partner, "Word on the street is you're going out with Sophia tonight."

"Damn, already? It's just dinner, don't get all overprotective."

"You said that before and end up getting involved with the ADA. It all started with Abbie a few years ago, Alex, and now Sophia."

Olivia smacked his arm. "I don't want to hear it from you!"

He rubbed the spot where she hit, "Fine, fine, just call me after something happens and I can say 'I told you so!'"

_Daphne's Greek Palace, Manhattan, 6:30 PM_

"I forgot how good Greek food is," Olivia said, taking a bite of gyros in a pita bread.

"Yeah, I love the stuff. I can eat it, all day every day. My mom's half Greek so I grew up on it," Sophia told her.

"Lucky you!"

"So, Soph, you never told me about your Philly romance."

"His name was Michael. Sweetest guy in the world. He worked at Bank of America. I met him there, actually, when I was running in to take care of some business. He asked me to dinner. And end up dating for 2 years."

"What happened?"

Sophia sighed. "There was another woman."

"For him?"

"No, me."


	17. Chapter 17: Secrets

_Chapter 17: Secrets_

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"Her name was Rebecca. She was a partner at the bank with Michael. We became friends and one night when she was having boyfriend problems, she came over. Michael wasn't home. We had a few drinks and she kissed me. I never thought about a woman in that way until that night. Michael came home a few hours later and was furious when he saw. He kicked Rebecca out and we fought the whole night."

Olivia squeezed Sophia's hand reassuringly.

"He made me promise to never look at another person in 'that' way or he'd leave. That's when I saw his controlling side. Over the next few weeks, he really began to change. I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. When I told him I was leaving he threatened to kill me."

Sophia looked up at Olivia's face, complete shock.

"Anyway, he also told me he'd make my life miserable if I told anyone about the threat. A week passed, I was sleeping on the couch at that time. Michael came out very early in the morning and told me that he wanted me gone. I packed a bag and drove to Manhattan."

"Wow, Soph, I had no idea. What happened to him?"

"My mom lives there still, said he's dating some tramp now."

"And Rebecca?"

"Haven't heard from her since that night." Sophia sighed. "I never tell that story, it's painful."

Olivia took both of Sophia's hands over the table and held them. "I know what you mean, trust me. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me and I'm very glad you came here, despite the circumstance."

"Me too," Sophia replied. "I went from being a corporate lawyer, not really helping anyone, to finally making a difference."

"Exactly."

They finished their dinner at their own pace, chatting, laughing and enjoying each other's company.

"So where are you headed?" Olivia asked as they walked outside into the night air.

"Down 9th to 42nd, you?"

"Madison and 34th," Olivia told her. She paused. "Would you like to go get coffee?"

"I love coffee, preferably from local shops though."

"A woman after my own heart," Olivia said as she hailed a taxi. "7th and 53rd" she told the cabbie. "This is one of my favorite places."

"I'm excited to see where you're taking me Detective," Sophia said grinning shyly.

They walked into the shop, instantly inhaling the scent of different blends of coffee. "Mmm," Sophie said. "I love this place already."

Enjoying two large mugs of coffee, Olivia ordered a slice of chocolate cake to share.

"This place is heavenly, how did you find it?" Sophie asked, taking a bite of the cake.

"Stumbled upon it one day when Elliot and I were on a case up here. This place is the best one I've discovered so far."

"So how many women have you brought here?"

Olivia raised her eyebrow at the question, setting her mug down. "You're the first. Besides the fact that I only recently discovered it, I thought you'd enjoy it."

"I am enjoying it, the coffee and company."

Olivia turned her head to cover a blush. Sophia reached across the small table putting a finger on Olivia's chin to turn her face. "Is that a blush Detective?"

"No?" Olivia tried to say seriously, but couldn't.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself too Olivia."

They sat comfortably in the coffee shop for hours, watching the crowds come and go, taking in the environment.

"Olivia, are you afraid?" Sophia asked when they were silent again.

"Of what?"

"Dying."

Olivia sighed. "I'm a cop, I've been almost killed before, but this is different because there's a chance that I won't make it past 2 years."

Sophia looked at her, concern written all over her delicate features. "So the chemo..?"

"Is supposed to stop the progression and put me in remission. If it works, then I'm in the clear for awhile, but it's not guaranteed."

"Don't worry, I think I can beat this. I'm strong, just hopefully by body holds up."

Sophia walked across the table and hugged Olivia tight. "You can't die on me." She kissed Olivia's cheek softly.

Olivia felt a fire ignite in her stomach. Before either one of them could move, a cell phone went off. Olivia groaned. "Benson."

"Olivia, it's Cragen. There's been a situation. Come down to Mercy now, bring Jackson and Cabot. It's urgent." He hung up.

"We have to go to the hospital, something's happened. Come on."

Olivia thanked the owner as they made their way out and got into the nearest taxi, cell in hand to dial Alex.

_Mercy Hospital, 9:18 PM_

Elliot was pacing the Emergency Room, striding over to the trio as they walked in.

"What is it?" Olivia demanded.

"It's Casey," Elliot replied.

"What about Casey?" Alex questioned in her best lawyer voice.

"Just… Go in there…"

They followed Elliot beyond the double doors to a room. On the bed laid Casey, head bandaged, and eyes closed, attached to an IV.

"What happened to her?" Olivia asked again, walking up to the bed.

"EMTs got a 9-1-1 call that there was a shooting on the Upper West Side. Casey was found laying on the sidewalk, unresponsive. She had a pulse, and was rushed here." Cragen told them.

"How bad are her injuries?"

"Gun shot would to the left temple, 3 broken ribs, fractured wrist, and a broken ankle."

Alex caught her breath. "What are her chances?"

"She'll be admitted tonight for observation tonight," A doctor said walking in the room, Jack McCoy at his heels.

"How bad is the head wound?" McCoy asked.

"It's going to require surgery. There's pressure in her brain that needs to be relieved."

Everyone in the room winced. The doctor left them all alone with Casey. A few hours passed, there was no change.

_1:47 AM_

The machines beeped rapidly, and the room instantly was filled to capacity with nurses, doctors and more machines. "She's coding," someone yelled.

"Shock her! 60 volts, clear!"

A bolt of electricity shot through Casey's body.

"No response. Take it up to 100 volts!"

Another shock.

"No response! One more time!"

The same voltage ran through Casey a second time.

"Start CPR!"

A nurse started compressions, the machines still showed no response.

Everyone stood and watched Casey continue to be unresponsive.

"Come on Casey, pull through," Alex muttered from beside Olivia.

They exchanged a quick glance before looking back at Casey.

_1:59 AM_

The nurse was still continuing CPR. No response.

Everyone was waiting with baited breath.


	18. Chapter 18: Don't Give Up

_Chapter 18: Don't Give Up_

"Stop," the doctor ordered. "She's been unresponsive over 15 minutes. Time of death, 2:03 AM."

There was a silence in the room as the machines stopped.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he told the group. "Alex?" He asked.

"Yes?" She replied.

"Casey told us when she was brought in here to give you this if she didn't make it." He pulled out a white envelope from the nightstand drawer and handed it to her.

With shaking hands, Alex opened it.

_Dear Alex,_

_If you're reading this, I'm no longer here for whatever reason. I'm sitting in my office writing this to you. It's the day you left me. I miss you already. You know that I love you, I have loved you and I still do. Even though right now, there is tension in the air, don't forget that. _

_Please tell everyone that I'm sorry for anything mean or rude I've done. I know there's probably a list of things floating around somewhere. _

_Alex, you're a sweet woman, and I know you're going to find "the one", whether it's someone you know, or someone that's new. I hope you're happy, Lex, and know I'm watching you from wherever I am. Remember, never, ever give up. Fight for your dreams. _

_Love always,_

_Casey_

Tears dripped down her face as she finished reading it aloud. "I can't believe she's gone," Alex sniffled.

Olivia put her arm around the blonde. "I know, me too, me too."

_St. Christopher's Church, Tuesday, 1 PM_

Abbie flew down from DC for the funeral. After introducing herself to Sophia, she extended her condolences to everyone. The funeral was a tearful event, overflowing with NYPD, half the DA's office at least, Judges, family and friends.

Many had a chance to speak, share something about Casey. Alex stood up first.

"Many don't know the extent of my relationship with Casey, some do. I'm just going to say, that I loved her and I have this hole inside now that she's gone." She turned to the casket, where Casey laid so peaceful. "I'm sorry, babe, I love you."

Olivia was up next. "Casey was always a live spark, always on the ball. Even though at first we were a little tough on her, she grew on us eventually. And circumstance has it that she was no longer assigned to SVU, but that doesn't mean that she was any less important. I miss her."

Olivia took her seat next to Alex, holding her hand reassuringly. Sophia, on the other side of Olivia, pulled Olivia close into a hug. Alex was dabbing her eyes with a tissue listening to everyone's speeches.

It took almost two hours before Donnelly stood up to say a few words. "Casey Novak was, at times, difficult, but nonetheless a great lawyer. She had spunk, charisma and of course dedication. Casey will be thoroughly missed by the law circuit."

_St. Mary's Cemetery, 5 PM_

Long after Casey's casket had been buried, many still stood there looking at the headstone. She was really gone. The pile of roses on her grave was building. There wasn't a dry eye in the bunch.

_Squad room, 10 PM_

Olivia sat at her desk, reading and rereading the same DD5 for the last hour. Elliot sat at his own desk, Munch and Fin nearby. Even Alex and Sophia were sitting in the room, all quiet. Abbie slipped in a few minutes later.

"Remember, what was it, the 2nd day Casey was here and she had so much arrogance she thought she ran the place?" Elliot said with a small smile.

Munch chuckled. "Yeah, she thought she could run this place without even knowing anything about SVU."

"Turns out, she could keep us in line," Olivia said softly, looking up.

Sophia crossed the room to put her arms around Olivia. "I'm really sorry for your loss."

Olivia tilted her head back to look at Sophia. "Thanks… For being here."

Sophia squeezed her shoulder. "Of course Liv. There's no where else I should be right now but here with you guys."

Cragen appeared from his office. "Everyone, go home, get some sleep. Sitting here moping isn't going to help and it won't bring her back."

Alex sighed. "I don't want to be alone."

Olivia whispered something to Sophia, who nodded. "We'll come over, if you want."

"Me too," Abbie piped up.

"Yeah, Alex, can we all come to your place? Rumor has it, your apartment is huge and on the Upper West Side," Munch said with an eyebrow raise.

Alex rolled her eyes before replying, "Sure, why not."

Everyone traipsed out of the room behind Alex.

"Do you think we could all squish into one cab?" Fin asked.

"6 of us? Yeah, probably," Abbie figured.

"One rule," Munch pointed out, "We have to at least try to have a good time. Celebrate Casey's life, remember the good times."

"When did you get so wise?" Olivia asked, hugging her friend.

He gave her his famous look, "I've always been wise, you've just never seen it."

She smacked his arm.

Sophia hailed a cab as the others were chatting. "Come on, the cabbie won't wait forever."

Munch and Fin climbed into the front seat, shutting the door easily. In the back, Elliot picked a window seat, Olivia climbing onto his lap as Sophia slid in next to her followed by Alex. The cab started driving down the street.

"Aren't you lucky?" Munch said smugly. "You have 4 gorgeous woman next to you, and I'm stuck next to Fin up here."

"Hey man, that's your fault you're not back there," Fin said back to his partner.

The mood had lightened a little since leaving work. Alex was a little quiet still. Abbie nudged her and leaned over. "Don't worry, you're among good company tonight, cheer up."

"I'm trying but it's hard Ab, I miss her."

"We all miss her, but we're going to distract you as much as possible and make sure you're not down, okay?"

Alex nodded. "Fine, fine, if you insist." It sounded more like a grumble then consent.

Abbie laughed, "Of course I do." She let her fingers intertwine with Alex's, holding tight.

At Alex's apartment building they all spilled out, splitting the fare. Abbie slowly let go of Alex's hand as she got out. They exchanged a private smile.

_Alex's Apartment, 10:38 PM_

"Wow, you really did get lucky," Fin said, taking in the whole view.

"You can say that again. How did we end up with one bedrooms in downtown?" Munch added in.

"Because, I have my ways, and no, I won't share," Alex told them defiantly. "Sit, sit, I'll make coffee."

"Let me help," Sophia replied, following the blonde into the kitchen. "Where are the cups?"

Alex pointed to a cupboard. Sophia stretched to pull down 6 mugs and set them on the counter as Alex hit start on the coffee machine. "So what's up between you and Liv?" Alex asked bluntly.

Sophia turned to face the woman. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play this game with me, please. I saw the look you were giving her, and the look she was giving you. I know that look quite well."

Sophia's face didn't show any change of emotion. "I really don't know what you're talking about. I've been comforting Olivia."

"Okay, don't tell me, but so you know I just want her to be happy." She glanced across the counter to see Olivia laughing at something funny.

"She _is_ gorgeous," Sophia commented, looking at Alex's face. "So are you, Alex. You told me you want her to be happy, but if its not you, will you still be happy?"


	19. Chapter 19: Faith

**A/N: Thank you to my very dedicated readers for keeping me going. **

**To: Vonego88 - Thank you for the wonderful feedback and advice as the story progresses. =) I don't know what I'd do without you!**

_Chapter 19: Faith_

Alex sighed at the question. "I don't know. I know that I love her, but if I'm not the one she wants, I can't force her."

"I understand," Sophia said, nodding her head. "Just… Let it be." With that, she smiled and turned to go back to the living room.

Alex stood against the cool counter, mulling over what Sophia had said. The next person to walk into the kitchen was Olivia herself.

"Hey, how are you holding up?" She asked with a smile.

"Okay, I guess. It's good to have the company though. You 5 sure make it more lively around here."

Olivia smiled again, her heart pounding at the closeness. "I'm glad you're doing a little better. You know that I still care about you."

Sophia watched from the couch, unable to hear the kitchen conversation. Half of her hoped they worked it out, the good half, while the selfish half was hoping she'd still have a chance.

"Stop staring," Elliot stage whispered to her.

Sophia jumped a little and whipped around. "I can't hear anything anyway," she muttered. She went back to the conversation at hand.

"I know you do Liv, but what are we doing? Is this what you want?" Alex asked softly.

Olivia took a step closer to the blonde, resting her hand on Alex's forearm. "I never said it was going to be anything right now, I'm still trying to get my stuff in order. That doesn't mean I can't care about you, does it?"

"No, it doesn't. I'm here for you, for as long as you want me to be."

Olivia leaned in to kiss the smooth cheek she knew so well. Alex felt her cheeks get warm in a blush. "Thanks," she whispered.

"Anytime. Want me to help you carry the coffee?"

Olivia poured the mugs of coffee, grabbing 3 and carrying them back to the coffee table. "Milk and sugar?"

"Yes, please," Sophia said.

Olivia went back to the kitchen to retrieve a miniature sized pitcher, filling it with milk then filling a small bowl with sugar cubes.

Alex watched her amazed. "You still remember?"

Olivia turned, leaning against the counter. "Of course, it's engraved in my head." She grabbed the two and another mug of coffee with Alex following a few feet behind with the last two.

Sitting on the L-shaped couch, they enjoyed their coffee, and some mindless TV. Olivia had a mug in her hand, about to take a sip when it fell onto the cream colored rug. She ran for the bathroom.

Sounds of vomiting could be heard. Elliot was the first to rush in there. He saw his partner leaning over the toilet, and not just bile but blood mixed in. "I'm taking you to the hospital," he said, and before she could say anything he had his phone out calling a bus.

5 minutes later, she was on a stretcher. "I'm sorry," she barely whispered. "I wish I wasn't sick."

She was surrounded by the people she cared for and loved most in the world. "I love you all," was all she said before she was being taken out of the apartment.

"I'll ride with her," Alex volunteered, setting down the towel she was using to clean the rug.

Elliot nodded. "Is your car here?"

"Yeah, carport 39, see you there," Alex replied, throwing him her keys. She hurried to catch up with EMTs.

_Mercy Hospital, 11:49 PM_

Olivia lay on a hospital bed in the Oncology ward, attached to an IV pumping liquids and blood back into her body. Alex sat at her side, holding her hand.

"I'm.. Sorry.." Olivia said again.

"For what?"

"Being.. Sick.. Leaving.. Everything.."

"Don't be sorry, you're going to pull through this."

_Friday, 8 AM_

"Olivia?" Dr. Hall said, walking into the room. "How are you feeling today?"

Olivia sat up. "A little better. Tell me the truth, it's the cancer progressing, isn't it?"

Dr. Hall sighed, "Yes, you're in stage 3."

"Which means?"

"We have to infuse the chemo at shorter intervals, try to beat the odds. And, possibly, a bone marrow transplant."

"That's a lot to take in."

"I know it is. Are you willing to sign a consent form to insert a shunt into your chest for your chemo? We need to up your dose to 2-3 times a week, try to put you in remission faster."

Olivia signed her name to the form he put in front of her. "Am I going to permanently on desk duty?"

"It'd be best for now, just in case."

Olivia crossed her arms.

"When you're in remission, there's a good chance to be back in the field, just be patient. I have faith."

He left the room, letting Cragen in.

"How do you feel?"

"Physically, okay; but otherwise not so good. It's advancing, my chemo is being upped to try to get me into remission."

"I'm sorry, Olivia. Just be strong, you know we're all here behind you 100%."

"I know, Cap, thanks. Right now, I just want to get out of here, the hospital food really sucks."

"Which is why, I snuck you in a Big Mac. Enjoy," He said, handing her the burger.

"What a lifesaver." She devoured it, the first real food she'd had in days.

Over the course of the day, she'd had more visitors to her room then some patients had in a week.

_Monday, 12:11 PM_

"Good news, Olivia," Dr. Hall announced. "The upped chemo seems to be working. You can be released."

"About time!"

"However, you have to be under supervision, at least for the first week, and nothing exerting. Do you have someone you can call?"

"Of course," she said, picking up the room phone and dialing a familiar number. "Hey, Abbie, I'm being released."

"About time!"

Olivia laughed, "That's what I said. I just need a favor. I'm supposed to have supervision for the first week. How would you feel about a week at my apartment?"

Abbie fake groaned.

"Abbie! I called you first. If that's a no, I can just call one of my other…"

"Stop talking Liv, you know I'm kidding. See you at the hospital in 10."

Olivia hung up. "She's on the way," she told the doctor. After signing the release papers, she was wheeled down to the lobby.

A sporty car pulled up into the circle. "Always in style, aren't we?" She said to the brunette.

"Of course, this is my baby, I've had it in a safe place in the city, at my fingertips when needed."

Abbie helped Olivia into the car. "Hungry?" Abbie asked.

"Starving, I hate the food they serve there."

"It's a hospital not a resort," Abbie chided playfully.

Abbie sped through the city on the backstreets, pulling into Luigi's

"Damn, that was impressive," Olivia said getting out of the car. "But who would give you a license if they knew you drove like that?"

Abbie chuckled. "Probably no one, but it's a good thing, they don't know." With a wink, they walked into the restaurant.

"Abigail! What a nice surprise," the owner, Don Luigi, exclaimed, voice thick with an Italian accent. "It's been too long!"

"I'm living in DC now, but I'm down here to take care of a few things. You've probably seen my friend Olivia here, frequenting."

"Olivia! Good to see you again."

They sat down in a corner booth, menu's in hand. They completed a full 3 course lunch before returning to Olivia's apartment.

"Are you going to work on Monday?" Abbie asked. "I'd figure you'd take the weekend off to recuperate."

"Yep, Monday morning bright and early; my butt meets my desk chair."

"But until that boring day, let's have some fun." Abbie's eyes twinkled with a plan


	20. Chapter 20: Live It Up

**A/N: Vonego88 - This one's for you. I'm using an idea you gave me. Thank you!**

**A/N 2: Please, please, review. It makes my day =)**

_Chapter 20: Live It Up_

Abbie dragged Olivia into a club. "I know you can't drink but no one said you can't dance!" Abbie told her, waving to the security guy who let them in.

"Damn, how many people do you know in this city Ab?"

"A lot, trust me," Abbie replied, grinning from ear to ear. "I love this place." She saw first, and tried to get Olivia to turn around, an attempt that didn't work.

Directly in front of them, Alex was grinding on another woman, swaying with the pulsating beat. Olivia stopped dead in her tracks, Abbie at her side, both just watching.

"I guess that talk we had in her kitchen had no effect on her," Olivia said with a shrug. "I'm out to have fun, come on, let's dance."

They put their coats and purses at a table before entering the dance floor. In the rainbow colored lights, Abbie admired Olivia's beauty. She was battling cancer and still could dress up and hit a club.

"I've missed you," Abbie said in Olivia's ear. "Since the day we broke up, I have. I'm glad we've stayed friends, you're a really special woman."

"Oh, Abbie, you're so sweet," Olivia replied. "Thank you for bringing me out here."

"Anytime, you need to have some fun anyway. Whether Alex is here or not!"

"Exactly! I'm going to get a water, do you want anything?"

"Margarita, please and thank you," Abbie said as she made her way back to the table; watching Olivia walk to the bar.

Alex must've had the same idea, they bumped into each other at the counter

"Liv! What are you doing here?" Alex asked.

"Abbie dragged me here, trying to get me to have fun. Who are you here with?"

"Oh, just someone I know."

Olivia ordered Abbie's margarita as she sipped her water. "Do you want to sit with us?

Before she could answer, the woman Alex had been dancing with sauntered over. "Hey, there you are Ali."

"Karen, this is Olivia. Olivia, Karen."

The woman shook hands.

When the margarita came, Olivia grabbed it with a "Have fun tonight, Alex. Nice to meet you Karen."

Olivia got back to the table, handing her friend the drink.

"Ah, thank you. So I saw you ran into Alex and her dance partner," Abbie said taking a sip.

"Yep. She seems nice. I tried to invite Alex over here before Karen came over."

"Are you okay with it, Liv?" Abbie asked, watching Olivia's facials closely.

Olivia shrugged. "I guess. I'm having fun with you," she said putting her hand on Abbie's arm. "That's all that matters." She watched Alex on the floor, enjoying herself. She felt that emptiness in the pit of her stomach but didn't show it.

_Olivia's apartment, 1:22 AM_

"That was fun," Olivia commented, opening her front door. Abbie was a little buzzed from the 2 margaritas she'd had.

"Yeah, it was fun," Abbie responded. "I'm beat." She walked in and flopped on the couch that Olivia had made up for her earlier. "Night."

"Night Ab, sweet dreams."

Olivia turned off the living room lights and went into her own bedroom, softly closing the door.

She laid in the darkened room, many thoughts running through her head. Alex, Casey, Alex, Abbie, cancer… Over and over until she finally fell asleep.

_Alex's apartment, 1:25 AM_

She couldn't sleep. Seeing Olivia at the club, had taken her by surprise. The first night she had gone out in a long time and Olivia as there.

_To: Olivia Benson_

_Message: Are you up? _

10 minutes passed with no reply, Alex figured she was already passed out. She sighed. "I have to do something," she said aloud to the empty room. "Show her that it's us, it's always been us."

Alex swung her legs over the bed, shed her PJs for jeans and a t-shirt, slid her feet into comfy shoes and was out the door. She raced down the stairs and hailed the passing taxi breathlessly giving the cabbie Olivia's address.

_Olivia's apartment, 1:48 AM_

Alex banged on the door for a minute before she heard the lock click. A very sleepy-eyed Abbie stood there. "Alex? It's almost 2, what's up?" She held the door open to let Alex in.

"I need to see Olivia," Alex replied.

"She's asleep…" Abbie tried to tell her as Alex made a beeline for Olivia's room.

Alex opened the door, stopping when she saw Olivia so peaceful. That was the Olivia she'd missed too. The nights they'd spent together, the love they'd shared, in and out of the bedroom.

Olivia stirred in her sleep. Alex walked over and brushed the hair back off her face which was damp with sweat. Olivia's eyes opened slowly, staring straight at Alex. She sat up.

"Lex, what are you doing here," she looked at the clock, "2 AM?"

"I had to talk to you, I couldn't sleep."

"Can it wait a few hours?" Olivia asked groggily.

"I don't want to wait anymore, Liv. I've been waiting on the sidelines for long enough." Alex looked back down at the brunette, who had fallen back asleep. She sighed, kissed Olivia's forehead and closed the bedroom door on the way out.

Abbie was sitting on the arm of the couch. "It was worth a shot."

Alex shrugged, "I guess, but it wasn't good enough." Her voice had a hint of sadness to it.

Abbie put her hand reassuringly on Alex's shoulder. "Don't worry, it'll all work out, I promise. Besides, I have to leave back for DC, so she's gonna need someone to keep watch over her." Her eyes twinkled a little.

"Do you really have to go or is this a scheme to help me and Olivia?"

"That's for me to know, and you not to find out."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Ok, Ab, goodnight."

"Night," Abbie replied, watching Alex walk out the door.

Alex decided to walk home, clear her head. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, but she didn't want to accept that as their fate. Alex slept fitfully that night, not being able to stop tossing and turning.

About 5, she just got up and sat on her couch, flipping on the TV. A couple hours passed before she heard her phone chime from the bedroom. She padded over to get it.

_From: Olivia Benson_

_Message: I miss you. Sorry I fell asleep on your earlier, it was a long night. Can we talk?_

_To: Olivia Benson_

_Message: Of course, lunch later?_

_From: Olivia Benson_

_Message: Okay, see you at Sushi Wok at 12?_

_To: Olivia Benson_

_Message: I'll be there._

Alex flipped her phone shut, and smiled. "This is my chance," she told herself. "I can't mess it up this time."

***

A/N: A little short, I know, but it's the best place to end the chapter, look for chapter 21 coming soon!


	21. Chapter 21: Swagger

_**Chapter 21: Swagger **_

_**Sushi Wok, 12 PM**_

Alex got there first, sitting in their usual booth. She saw the door swing open and couldn't help but smile as Olivia walked in.

"Hey," Alex said, standing up to hug Olivia.

"Hey yourself."

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay, the chemo is still wiping me out but it's helping the doctor's say."

Both women ordered their usual dishes from their favorite waiter.

"Alex! Olivia! Long time no see you here together," Lee said.

"Too long," Alex said grinning. "But at least we're here now."

"Yes, yes, I'll have your food right up."

Once Lee walked away, they continued their conversation.

"Liv, there's something I need to ask you," Alex started.

"What is it?"

Alex took a deep breath. "Is there something between you and Sophia?"

Olivia mulled her words over carefully before answering. "She has shown that she has a 'thing' for me, but we're not seeing each other."

Alex raised her eyebrow. "And do you have feelings for her?"

"I don't know, Alex! She has been a good support for me when I was down. Abbie has been too, but she doesn't even live here anymore."

"Isn't Abbie your ex, too?"

"It was 5 years ago, we ended it mutually, sticking to a professional relationship."

"I see. So, you're still single, right?"

Olivia looked at the woman across from her. "Is there something I'm missing?"

Alex just stared into Olivia's eyes. "Don't you get it, Liv? I'm lost without you. I don't want to be with anyone else. I think that maybe, just maybe, it was always us."

Olivia reached over to take Alex's hands. "Lex…"

"Here's your food!" Lee interrupted, ruining the moment. Olivia pulled her hands back. "Enjoy," he said with a wink.

"Lex," Olivia said again, "There's no one else in the world I'd rather be enjoying Chinese with but you."

Olivia set her fork down and walked around the table to sit next to the blonde. "I think it's always been us, too."

Olivia felt her heart race as Alex leaned in close. Their faces were only inches apart. It was Olivia who closed the gap, letting their lips reunite. It felt like nothing had ever changed.

From the kitchen, Lee smiled. "About time," he said softly, before turning back to give them some privacy.

When they finally broke apart, both were a little breathless. "I missed that too," Olivia whispered.

"I'm glad I made you happy," Alex told her.

"You always know how."

Olivia leaned in to kiss Alex again.

"I'm sorry though, Lexy, for putting you through what I did. I was just being selfish…"

All Alex did was put her hands on Liv's face and kept kissing her. Her lips, her cheek, her neck, her collarbone. "I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, Alex."

_**Monday, 9 AM, SVU squad room**_

Alex walked in, smiling like a Cheshire cat. "Good morning," she said, the light back in her eyes.

"Well, well, look who got her swagger back," Fin said, grinning. "Glad you're back, the other you was just getting annoying."

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Fin."

"So where IS our wonder woman who made this transformation possible?"

As if by cue Olivia walked in from the bathroom. "Hey Alex," she said with a smile.

"About damn time," Munch remarked. "You two were a mess apart, both so dull. It's good to see you both happy."

"Thank you Munch. We're happy, taking it slow this time. Just enjoying each other," Olivia said.

"I bet you are," Fin added in.

"Don't be jealous," Alex told him with a smirk.

"Of course I am, but I'll live."

"So is this a personal call?" Elliot asked Alex coming down the stairs.

"Yeah, just thought I'd drop in and say hello. Check up on Olivia."

Olivia blushed. "You just saw me a few hours ago."

"And I wanted to see you again, so what?"

Olivia shrugged with a broad smile. "So, nothing. It's a good thing."

Sophia chose that moment to walk in, seeing she was still the ADA for the squad. "Looks like a party, why wasn't I invited?" she inquired playfully.

"Hey Soph, good morning," Olivia said to her.

"Liv, can I talk to you for a second in private?"

"Sure."

They walked back upstairs. "Are you back with Alex?" Sophia asked bluntly.

"Yes, I'm sorry, but we rekindled. You're very special, Sophia, and I hope the right person for you comes around soon."

Sophia had a sad smile on her face. "Me too, but I'm glad you're happy. I see the light on your face around her. Don't worry, I'm not mad. You and I are just fine, okay?"

Liv hugged the woman, "Thank you.

They walked back downstairs.

_2 months later_

Olivia was yet again tethered to an IV in the oncology ward of Mercy hospital. Alex rushed in, concern in her eyes.

"Are you okay? Did you collapse again?"

"No, no, just a routine check up and chemo. I'm fine, Lex."

Olivia looked a little weaker then usual, a little paler. Was the sickness finally taking over?

Alex shook off those negative thoughts and sat holding Olivia's hand until the nurse came in 45 minutes later to unhook her, followed by the doctor.

"I have your test results," Dr. Hall said.

"And?"

"The leukemia is still at stage 3, your white blood cells are a little lower but not enough. The up dose of chemo seems to be helping, so I'm keeping you on 3 times a week for another 3 months, then seeing where you're at."

He shook Olivia's hand and left the room.

"I just want this to be over with," Olivia grumbled, standing up.

"Me too, babe, but unfortunately medicine doesn't work like that."

"No kidding, if it did, I wouldn't have ever gotten cancer."

Alex hugged Olivia tight as they walked out of the hospital. "I'm here for you, no matter what, and you know it. And the guys at the station are all supportive 100%. You'll get through it."

"Thanks Alex. So, my place or yours?"

"Hmm, how about mine tonight?"

They proceeded back to Olivia's so she could pack a bag. However, when they walked in, it wasn't what they were expecting.


End file.
